Sitting with my mother in the hospital a few weeks ago, an elderly man shuffled into the small waiting room and flopped down into a chair. ‘Three children, eight grandchildren and I never see them…’ he sighed, catching my eye. A nurse fast appeared, helped him to his feet and walked him out to wherever he needed to go next. I could only mumble a quick goodbye. Was it true what he said? I hoped not, but how sad if so.
I wonder how some people end up so terribly lonely, isolated and forgotten. And loneliness kills.
An NHS (National Health Service, UK) article titled, ‘Loneliness increases risk of premature death’ (taking much of its information from a study at Brigham Young University led by Professor Julianne Holt-Lunstad) states:
‘…the harmful effects of loneliness are akin to the harm caused by smoking, obesity or alcohol misuse.’
A previous study in 2010 goes into more detail, concluding:
‘The results of this study remind us that health has a strong social element and is not merely physical. Connecting with others can improve both mental and physical wellbeing.’
The study suggests several different ways to help combat loneliness, particularly for the elderly.
Mum has been home for a few weeks now and recovering well. She lives alone, but she is not lonely. She is blessed with close family, friends and neighbours. Thank you so much, dear friends, for your love, concern and prayers, your messages have kept me going these past several weeks, so that although absent from blogging, I have known you are there.
And while I’ve been away from the Summerhouse, I have used any time I can manage to press on with my memoir rewrites. Since I finished the first draft last September, I’ve struggled, despairing, many times reaching for it only to watch it slip through my fingers like oil.
I had set myself a deadline, you see, because thanks to fellow memoir writer and blogging friend Lisa I will be going to London next Tuesday, and every Tuesday after that until the end of June to City Lit to attend a workshop for memoirists looking for help with the last push on their WIP. Lisa will post Memoir Monday weekly with updates and connecting with other memoirists.
I have never attended a writing workshop of any kind before, so this will be a new adventure. And of course, I get to meet Lisa, which I am very much looking forward to. Excited, nervous, just about there with a rewritten second draft, I’m moving forward, oil slicks notwithstanding.
The finish line is there, I can almost see it…
So what of Tony Soprano, Mob Boss of ‘The Sopranos’ (how did we survive without box sets?)? There’s a man surrounded by family and ‘friends’ (although, how many friends can a Mafia Boss really have?), yet exudes loneliness. I love nothing better than a book, film or TV show that captures the psychology of the criminal mind in all its complexities, something that has fascinated me for as long as I can remember.
Tony Soprano’s complex relationship with his psychiatrist, his outbursts of unhinged violence tempered by moments of tenderness and vulnerability that he would rather die before revealing, make his character one of the most fascinating, compelling and utterly abhorrent I’ve ever known.
He is not conventionally handsome, but he oozes charisma and sex appeal. No spoilers here (I have yet to watch the final season…) but this is the best thing I’ve ever watched. Better than Game of Thrones, better even, dare I say it, than Breaking Bad. And I love both. As it rolls from one episode to the other, my heart races at the thought of what I know will be its cataclysmic denouement.
Losing myself in The Sopranos at this time of my life has proven to be peculiarly therapeutic. Don’t ask me how, but it is helping me write my memoir. The Soprano storyline walks me along a constant knife’s edge between the love of family and the terrible deeds done to protect that family.
The masterful screen writing and acting (in my humble opinion, I’m no expert), compels me to explore through my writing the war we wage within ourselves, vying for victory somewhere between the light and dark of the human soul.
Writing is an isolating and lonely business. I think the course in London will be a good thing as I admit to going a bit stir crazy sometimes. But although I have experienced loneliness a few times in my life, I have not known the kind that the elderly man spoke of and I hope and pray I never will.
I hope he has someone, even if just one person, who cares enough to visit him. Tony Soprano is a fictional character, but I wonder how many people in real life he represents, a man who seemed to have everything, except true friends.
And true friends are the purest gold, worth more than any stash Tony Soprano kept hidden in the rafters. Love and connection with family and friends is a life saver. Studies prove it.
A View From My Summerhouse 
I feel for that old man. And yet, even as I commiserate with him, I can’t help but pray that I be spared that kind of loneliness.
I wish you well with your writing. I look forward to reading your book. 🙂
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Yes, it is something that evokes empathy for the other person yet stirs up our own fears of the future and we hope and pray we are spared. Many thanks Imelda, that means so much to me. I greatly appreciate your visits and ongoing support of the ups and downs at the Summerhouse, rain or shine! 🙂
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You’re very welcome, Sherri. I may not be able to visit as often as I would like to, but your blog is in my mind. I am glad to know you are doing fine. 🙂
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I always love it when you visit Imelda, anytime. Likewise, we are both, it seems, in the same place so far as blogging, but knowing we are thinking of one another and keeping in touch when we can means a great deal. I hope that life is treating you and your gorgeous family wonderfully well my friend 🙂 xo
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True friends are most definitely the purest gold, Sherri!
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🙂
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😊
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Oh, and I meant to say, perhaps we could meet for a quick coffee when you are in London- I am up there two Tuesday’s a month, I’m sure we could work something….
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That would be great Sue! I’ll let you know once I’m settled into the new routine. I have to buy my tickets in advance to get the best deals meaning I’m locked into specific train times limiting my A-B timeframe, but we’ll work something out. London, here we come!
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We will – even if it’s a quick chat at the station before you leave! Which London station will you come into?
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That’s a great idea Sue! Waterloo…
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Oh, fine!
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Great! We’ll make a plan soon, how lovely! 🙂
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Looking forward to it!
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Me too!!
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Oh what a fabulous post Sherri and when things feel bad it is so good to recognise they could be worse! I am so pleased to hear your Mum is doing well and is not one of the many lonely elderly we have in our fragmented communities. And I am thrilled you are joining me on Tuesday because feeling alone writing my memoir is one of my bigger issues. I’m looking forward to bouncing ideas around a group of similar folk to get ideas and encouragement.
I’ve been re-reading a favourite memoir this week – shhh for now – as I’m preparing a review (Jeez! I should be tarting up my manuscript – you are streaks ahead of me!) Reading that helps me form a few things in my head – the writer’s style dealing with relationship issues is fantastic to me.
However, if it works for you I’m thinking I should be ordering a certain box set.. I keep hearing about the sopranos, left, right and centre, so next thing I’m doing is ordering that! It’s the only way we watch anything these days anyhow. Thanks for the recommendation and thanks for the company in what I hope is my next big adventure!
Lisa ❤️
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Thank you Lisa! Love your enthusiasm and yes, me too, so grateful for your company as we embark on this new adventure together, so looking to meeting you! Wow…tomorrow, here it comes, can’t quite believe it! I’m fascinated by the memoir you’re reading and your review, will be over shortly. That’s great it’s helped you so much. I’ve been tarting up the MS yes, but oh, what a long way to go. I’m just glad I got the hot mess of those early chapters rewritten (only took me since the autumn to now…ha!) but this only highlights a few other messes….naturally. Eldest son got me the box set a year ago for my birthday and kept asking me if we had watched it. ‘Mom, you’ll love it,” he kept saying. And he was/is right! Now I can talk to him about it but of course all he keeps saying as we wind our way through the final series with a knowing grin is, ‘Just you wait’! But I don’t want it to end! It never fails to amaze me what feeds our creativity in just the ways we need it at just the right time.Who knew for me it would be a box set about a modern day mob family?! Absolutely fascinting, gripping. I hope that my recommendation lives up to its hype for you…must discuss!! See you tomorrow Lisa 🙂 ❤
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Wonderful post Sherri. And yes there are so many people left alone at the end of their lives. I grew up “in a nursing home”; my mother managed one when I was very young and when I was 11 my parents established their own as the family business. We saw that sad scenario all the time. I think it’s because so many people focus on their ambitions or own concerns early on. They may have families but they don’t make the necessary connections, “can’t be bothered” to be emotionally present when it matters. It’s only when it’s too late that they realize (if they do) what they didn’t do when it mattered. Brings to mind that old song by Harry Chapin, “Cat’s in the Cradle,” about the son who grows up just like the father who has never had time for him in his youth. Now the son who vowed to be “just like him” has no time for the father.
And about London, good for you!!! How exciting. I have yet to attend a real workshop myself, just a library session here and there for a couple of hours in an afternoon. I hope it does the trick for you, provides that kick or insight you need to bring the memoir to fruition. I look forward to hearing about it in a future post. And about your meeting in the flesh another Rough Writer Blogger-at-Large.
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I listen to BBC Radio 2 and that song comes up at least once a week to make me cry – it’s a killer isn’t it!? Serves to make me a mindful parent – at least some of the time – we are all so consumed all the time, aren’t we. I heard the tale end of someone explaining that the brain is programmed to be looking for that next thing to worry about – It’s why we ‘survived’ our cave dwelling days. Feel my attention wandering even when the most precious thing I have is in front of me talking and probably only at home for another year – agh! I bet growing up in that setting has had an amazing influence on your life Jeanne xx
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Oh that song, I agree Lisa, it is a killer. Makes me cry too. So powerful. And so true too many times. The years spent with our children growing up are gone so fast and we have the merest of opportunity to form what we hope will be unbreakable bonds. The time we have with them is the most wonderful gift of all. That’s fascinating about the brain. Explains why we find it so hard to stay in the moment, the need to survive so strong…
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Ahh Jeanne, yet another similarity in our lives, I can relate. Although my parents didn’t own a nursing home like yours, my grandmother used to take me along with her to the nursing home where she volunteered (she herself was in her 70s at the time) and as a pre-teen, I also had a taste early in life of that loneliness for the elderly, and again when, in my early twenties I worked a stint in a nursing home. Some had one or two visits from their adult children now and then, but most did not. I found it so terribly sad. And as I agreed with Lisa in reply to your mention of ‘Cat’s Cradle’…what an incredibly emotional song, and sums it all up doesn’t it? You make an excellent and valid point as to why this happens in families, and why we need to be vigilant to do all we can to prevent it. As for London…thank you so much Jeanne! Oh I wish you and our other friends lived closer. That is one of the downsides of blogging, the geographical distances. I hadn’t thought about doing a workshop, but when Lisa mentioned it I realised that actually, it was just what I needed to get me over this, what I hope will be, the last hurdle towards the completed manuscript. Three years now…but then, these things can’t be rushed as you well know. I hope to update here as often as possible, although with attending the course, visiting Mum, memoir writing and the usual ‘stuff’ of life, I’ll be on a go slow for a little while but will do what I can. I hope things are going well with your memoir Jeanne, I am so terribly behind with catching up, but I will see you over at the Ranch in the meantime and will visit via any links I see over there to keep tabs on you. Big hugs ❤
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Hello sweetheart. I’ve managed to find a little Algarve rain and was lucky enough to find this on my phone. If you’re really lonely there’s nothing much to live for so I’m not surprised by the article. Happy Mum is recovering well Sherri and even happier for your news. Finishing line in sight. Hugs darlin xx
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Oh Jo, how sweet and kind of you to visit me even while away in your beautiful Algarve. I hope the rain has stopped for you! A gray today here, but you’ve cheered with your lovely message, thank you lovely lady! Big hugs to you…hope you’re having a wondeful, sunny time 🙂 xx
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A lovely sunny day today darlin. Thanks for wishing it for me xxx
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So glad Jo. It’s the least I can do! 😀 xxx
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So great to see you here again my friend, Your post was fantastic. I could so empathize with that lonely old man in the hospital. I have seen the neglect of the elderly more times than I like to think about here in our nursing homes. Steve and I loved Tony Soprano, it was if we actually knew him. In spite of all his major flaws there was something of the lost little boy & you couldn’t help but feel for him with that horrible mother of his, Olivia. And as for family & friendship, I am truly blessed! ❤ I suppose we will, your readers, have to sacrifice the enjoyment of your posts for a little longer in anticipation (great anticipation) of your Memoir! 🙂 xoxoxo
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Oh thank you dearest Diane 🙂 It is so sad isn’t it? I’ve loved talking to you about the Sopranos, particularly ‘T’! I agree, very much the ‘lost little boy’. And the fascinating and complex relationship with his mother – borderline personality disorder – and all the damage she did to all three of her children. What an incredibly written show. I’ll be watching it a second time to get even more out of the nuances and the brilliant acting. And yes, we are truly blessed indeed. Family and friends are the best and prized gifts of all. And thank you so much for your amazing support of my writing…I’ll do my best my friend! 🙂 ❤ xoxo
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Lovely to see you back online again Sherri. Ahhh Tony Soprano…one of my favourite television characters. If you like that series then you will also enjoy Sons of Anarchy. Interestingly, there were no four letter expletives used in this series despite the hard core motorcycle gang characters in the show. The strongest swear word most commonly used was “JC” Likely had something to do with the ratings for television. Just proves that it isn’t necessary to use strong language in a series to make a point or to define a character.
This series is considered to be the best ever with the highest ratings of any series thus far. I admit to turning my head away during some of the violence (I did the same for some of the Soprano scenes) however the psychology behind what motivates the characters is most interesting and the final season is absolutely stunning, especially the last episode which is tragic yet beautiful in a bizarre kind of way. The mother-son relationship with the lead character is fascinating, a love-hate scenario which makes it all the more fascinating.
Back to Tony Soprano (James Gandolfino)..definitely a loveable rogue and what a tragedy that we lost this actor at the peak of his career. I also loved his character in ‘Enough Said’ with Julia Louis-Dreyfus!
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Hi Bev, lovely to hear from you! I’ve heard of Sons of Anarchy, but thanks for the heads-up as I hadn’t really known anything about it but now I know what to go for once we’ve finished with the Sopranos, it sounds right up my street, fantastic! Interesting about the swearing – or lack of in SoA. Sopranos certainly has an awful lot of that, phew!! I’ve had to turn my head away more than once like you from the violence, but it is the psychology behind the relationships that is so fascinating (and what about Tony Soprano’s dysfunctional mother? She really did a number on her kids didn’t she?). And yes, a terrible tragedy to lose James Gandolfino so young and so suddenly. The whole time I’m watching an episode of the Sopranos I can’t get it out of my head that he isn’t here anymore. He really was at his peak. Enough Said is something I’ve not watched either, which surprises me as I also love Julia Louis-Drefus. Something else to look out for! Great chatting with you Bev, see you as soon as! 🙂
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So great to know that your mom is doing well, Sherri. I feel so sorry for the elderly who have no friends or family. I remember when we visited mom in the care home, there were very few residents who had visitors. My sister, her dog and myself, used to share ourselves around and tried to make them also feel loved and special. I’ve never watched ‘The Sopranos’. Maybe I should give it a try. Good luck with your writing and I’m sure you’re going to enjoy meeting up with Lisa and attending the workshop together. Have a great weekend my friend. Take care. 🙂 xx
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Hi Sylvia! So lovely to hear from you, thank you so much for your lovely message and yes, I’m so glad to send on the good news about Mum 🙂 Oh that is so lovely of you and your sister and her dog…how wonderful!…to visit others at your mother’s care home, but then, knowing you as I do here, so kind and caring, I am not in the slightest bit surprised. Think what a huge difference you made to those lonely people. One lady on Mum’s ward in hospital was like that, so confused too. During our visits, both hubby and I sat with her for a spell, holding her hand. She was so sweet, turned out to be 98! She looked early 80s. Tomorrow is the first big day, I’m excited and nervous rolled into one! I’ll keep you posted as best as I can. Thank you again dear Sylvia for your amazing support, it means so much to me. A good weekend thank, you and hope for you too…and here’s to a great week ahead 🙂 xx
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😘
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I am so glad to hear your mother is better and you are finally getting a break. The workshop should be just the ticket to energize you once again. A change in routine and faces always changes the attitude and refreshes the soul. I’ve never seen the Soprano’s nor would I have seen it the same way you did because we have had different experiences in life. I do agree on the loneliness. You can be in a room full of people and still be lonely. It’s something I know a lot about. The aged are the most vulnerable. I hated that my last husband and his children never went to visit his mother. She was in a nursing home for 13 years. I was with him for 11 of them and I was the only one with her when she passed. 😦 I would go every other day to see her and everyone resented the time I spent with her. Can you imagine? Part of why I stayed married so long. Couldn’t leave her alone. I don’t think it will happen to me but you never know. Go have a good time and fill yourself back up.
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Oh heavens, how sad. I was brought up ‘to do as you would be done by” – always a good little check in the back of my mind when it comes to avoiding inertia. You’re all heart Marlene ❤️
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Life has it’s own way to balance things out. 🙂
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Hi Marlene! Oh where does the time go? I’m so glad to update about Mum with good news. Phew! I’m so looking forward to the workshop – tomorrow’s the big day for the first session! Six hours travel time for a 2 hour session, but it will be well worth it and I enjoy train travel. I love to zone and watch the countryside go by…Oh Marlene, that is so sad about your mother in law and her son and grandchildren, but what a great blessing you were to her and even at the end, and then with all that resentment too…wow. It is hard to fathom sometimes just how some people think and behave. I’ve got a few stories of my own about that, but another time. You honoured her because you are a beautiful, tender heart my friend, of that I know and I think I’m 100% percent safe in saying you will never know that loneliness…you are too loved by your family and friends 🙂 ❤ Thank you so much…I am ready to be filled, so ready…a new adventure beckons and it's time to forge ahead. See you soon, I promise 🙂
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Lovely to see you back Sherri and to hear about the memoirists ‘support group’ 🙂 I’ve never watched that TV programme, you are the first to make it sound vaguely appealing.
Loneliness is both a state of being and a state of mind I think. I worked with the lonely and disenfranchised for some years in my last working role as a life guide …….. it was work that required empathy and honesty from me and a willingness to let go and change from the participants; it was tough, rewarding and eye-opening work. I felt qualified to work in this particular field because, even when surrounded by people, I experienced loneliness deep in my bones for a good part of my life too. I think when you have learned to let go, forgive and love yourself and love being with yourself, then you realise you are never alone. It’s a process isn’t it!
I’m so glad to hear your mother is doing well and that you are pushing on with this latest draft of your memoir. xoxo
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Hi Pauline, lovely to hear from you! I like that: a memorists support group! And who knows, maybe one day you’ll give Sopranos a go 😉 What a fascinating insight you have into the state of loneliness Pauline, both mind and being. The letting go process must have been the most challenging for those you helped, as when we hold onto unforgiveness we project our pain onto others which only causes them to move even further away. A vicious circle. I am sure you helped a great many people with your gentle, loving and wise counsel, your own life experience bringing with it a deep understanding and authentic empathy which would have helped them heal and find a way through life once again without the awful pain of that deep loneliness. Very tough, as you say, but very rewarding. Thank you for sharing that with me. And thank you too for your kind words about my Mum and my writing…really means a lot 🙂 ❤
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You know how thrilled I am to hear your mum is doing better. You’re a good nurse and a wonderful daughter. ❤ I can't wait to hear all about your class, Sherri. You'll get to the end, I can feel it! xoxo
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Thank you so much Jill for your amazing support and encouragement…although I’m not so sure about being a good nurse…but I do my best 😉 Will be in touch my friend…have a great week 🙂 ❤ xoxo
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Oh Sherri, I am so happy to hear that your mom is continuing on her road to recovery. I couldn’t agree more about loneliness and the need for human connection. As an introvert, I enjoy connection in small doses and with close friends—but nevertheless it is something that I love. How exciting that you will be attending a weekly workshop over the summer to help with those final steps of your memoir. I’m sure it’s exciting to be so close to the finish line! I have never seen the Soprano’s but I’ve heard many wonderful things about it and I know what it’s like to enjoy a good television show 🙂 Hope you have a wonderful weekend and enjoy your workshop next week! xoxo Heather
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Hi Heather! Thank you so much, yes, it is good news about my mum, so very grateful! A lot of people think I’m an extrovert, and I do enjoy a good party, but like you, I prefer the one on one time with friends more than group things. I used to despise office parties, so glad I don’t have to do those anymore 😮 Ahh…thank you, yes, I’m excited but also nervous, but really looking forward to getting my memoir finished now. I hope!! As for the Sopranos, I am glued. It is compelling and powerful, the whole ball of wax as Tony Soprano might say 😉 I’ll let you know how the workshop goes and I hope too you have a great week ahead, busy baking I’m sure…mmmmm. I can smell those cookies from here, I really need to pay you a visit! 🙂 xoxo
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It’s a challenge, isn’t it. My MIL lives alone and is lonely. Health issues mean she is with us more but that has its own challenges. Otherwise she lives 100+ miles away. No easy answer. As for the course brill. I have already told Lisa if she doesn’t make time for a coffee on one if her trips I will be v upset. Same goes for you! I’ll stalk the course otherwise!
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Shifty guy in the corner alert! Promise we’ll look at trains and options and get back to you 😘
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Haha 😀
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LOL! Geoff, you crack me up. You won’t be sporting a red beard will you? Ditto Lisa, definitely. Can’t come to London and not meet up, looking forward to it! 🙂
And it is a challenge…can’t be easy for your family…even more so with physical distance…
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I’m saving the beard for the bash!
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Thought so!
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Oh yes! True friends are the purest gold. What a profound, and true statement!!
Glad your mom isn’t lonely.
Have fun at your writing course! I’m sure you’ll be energized, and whip out the final copy in no time!
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Hi Melinda, and thank you so much, that’s the plan…let’s hope so!! See you soon… 🙂 xo
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Ok, looking forward to it, Sherri!
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Sheri, I’m glad your Mum is doing so much better. And that she’s not lonely with you for a daughter! It could be that the man’s children visit, but that he doesn’t remember. That happens so often. I prefer to think that is the case.
My little Tiger is sick. Please send her cyber hugs and pats.
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Hi Luanne…thank you so much! And yes, there is that side of the story that could well be possible. Like you, I prefer to think that too, the other option is just too sad for words. Oh I am so very sorry to hear about your little Tiger…I am sending all of those to you and her…hugs, pats, furry cuddles…I will check in… ❤ xoxo
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She’s all better!!!! Woohoo! xoxo
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Yay!! So glad to hear this Luanne…phew!! xoxoxox
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Hi mon amie – I love the Sopranos connection and now really look forward to seeing the show. and I love how you word things… like this “that captures the psychology of the criminal mind in all its complexities…” we just finished watching the OJ Simpson mini-series – and were you in southern Cal at the time of all that in 94-95??????
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Hello mon amie, thanks so much for popping over to the Summerhouse 🙂 I’ll be in touch with you very soon and head over to your pad! Oh you will love the Sopranos, think of the great discussions we will have lol! As for OJ, oh yes, I was there, watched it, glued to the TV set as often as I could, just couldn’t believe all that unfolded from the live Bronco chase along the LA freeway all the way to the ‘too tight’ glove and his acquital. We have the last episode to watch tonight. Fantastic mini series, so well acted, loved how it went into the back story of what we as viewers were shown at the time. I remember it all like it was yesterday…would love to hear your take… 🙂 xoxo
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yes, us too – and we were wondering if there was any extraneous stuff or it it was all real details from the many folks who had book deals. I guess the Judge was the only one to NOT do a book deal.
but the ending was good and hope you enjoy the last show.
and side note – Better Call Saul feels like the show where “nothing happens” and is the slowest moving drama I have ever watched. I have not watched too many, but the show is slow on action. Has some artsy filming at times, and the acting has been better (IMHO), but the strip line and writing is s-l-o-w and yawn.
xxoo
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Yes, same with us. Watched the last episode last night, very poignant I thought, especially the very ending with O J looking up at the statue of his former self in his back garden while a party of people he doesn’t even know goes on inside. I thought David Schwimmer was excellent as Bob Kardashian. So ironic when you think of the Kardashian’s now. I don’t watch them, never have, but the name is everywhere. I only ever knew it from the O J trial at that time. Thanks for the heads-up about Better Call Saul. We never did go beyond those first few episodes, starting watching other ‘stuff’ and forgot about it. Such a shame, it promised to be so good. BB seems a long way off now to me. I think I need to line up The Sopranos for a re-run lol! Still making our way to the end…and it’s intense and so powerful. But enough said! Great chatting with you mon amie. I’ll be over to you asap…have a great day in the meantime, and get those coolies baking in the over… 😉 ❤
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thanks for the comment – coolios and flies will be waiting – xoxo
and my hubs loved that part you mentioned —
O J looking up at the statue of his former self”
and well, enjoyed reading your comments about the show – ttys
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ttys mon amie 🙂 xo
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❤
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“All the lonely people, where do they all come from”
An interesting post Sherri – glad to hear your mum is recovering well and not one of the lonely people and that you are making progress with the memoir – enjoy London 🙂
I think in today’s world that everyone is always very busy with their own lives and we live so far away from family in a lot of cases (mine included) that it is all to easy to go long periods of time without seeing the family. Not deliberate, just one of those things. But horrid for those who do feel lost and isolated and lonely.
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Oh that song is playing loud and clear in my mind now Jude, a beautifully haunting one that. So very true… Yes, it isn’t like it used to be, so many families living apart with great distances between them and it just isn’t possible to see as much of one another as you well know. I thought it was very interesting that the first suggestion the NHS article linked to for helping combat loneliness was connecting with others via a computer, but of course that’s not for everyone. Of course, when you and I lived abroad neither of us would have had the internet or Skype. Very different now. Thanks for your kind words about my Mum Jude, and I’ll let you know how it all goes in London. Think of me tomorrow…I’m excited and nervous but looking forward to it! Hope all is well with you as you settle down in your little corner of paradise 🙂 xx
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Ah well as you are probably aware new houses come with their own set of problems. I’m sure we’ll sort them out eventually 😉 Have a great time in London!
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Aarrgh…yes, know it well. Hope not too cumbersome or complicated and they are sorted soon. And thanks, it was a long day but I think it’ll be worth it. The train ride was great, I felt like I was escaping, lol 🙂 Have a great weekend Jude, hope the Cornish sun shines for you as only it can do… xx
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I have a feeling that rain is threatening tomorrow, but I’m hoping to pop over to a garden on Saturday.
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I hope it holds off until after your garden visit…enjoy 🙂
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Wonderful to hear that your Mom is improving. How very sad for this elderly gentleman to feel such loneliness. Sadly, I think there are a number of elderly people who find themselves in this position. It breaks my heart.
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Hi Lynn! Yes, it really is heartbreaking. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts for my Mum. I hope you have a great week and I’ll catch up with you asap! 🙂 xo
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What a fantastic article Sherri. You’ve encompassed so much in one blog.
First, I’m so happy to hear your mum is on the mend. It’s so wonderful to hear good news! I’m sure a great weight has been lifted off you.
Your words about loneliness are so true. I’ve read similar articles about the study of loneliness, and one in particular where older married men live longer than single men for those exact reasons. When I see how ill my husband is and all the red tape I consistently have to push through to keep things moving with doctors, and keeping tabs on everything, it makes me shudder at the thought that if he were alone, he’d be lost with keeping up with the process of doctors and medications alone, let alone having nobody to give compassion or encouragement.
Now, I’m so envious and proud of you for being part of this writing workshop. I’m looking forward to hearing how it’s helping you and you sharing some wonderful tips here about memoir writing.
You go girl! You will get there. You’re well on your way! Hugs and love to you, xoxo
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Ahh, thank you so much dear Deb. A huge weight lifted for sure, so thankful for my mum’s recovery 🙂 Yes, I’ve read that too about married/single men and what you’re going through with your husband right now really emphasises that. Thank goodness you are there for/with him, looking after him, so proactive with his care and treatment, even though I’m sure it must be exhausting for you. Your loving care above all else is pure medicine ❤ But how awful for those who are alone and have nobody…
Ahh…that is so sweet, thank you about the workshop. I've never done anything like this before and would not have even thought about it if Lisa hadn't told me about it. A long day it will be but I'm really looking forward to it and sharing what I learn. You'll be with me in spirit, I know… 🙂 Love & hugs to you my friend, here's to that final hurdle! ❤ xoxo
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I’m so happy for you Sherri. I can feel the optimism in your words. You’re world is finally coming back together.
I’m still waiting for mine, and I feel so blessed to have such wonderful friends like you who spare a moment to leave a kind word and encouragement. ❤ ❤ Big hugs, xoxo
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Ahh Deb, at this rate it’s one day at a time…after so many curve balls (which you know all about) you get a bit jumpy lol! Likewise, your kindness and that of such wonderful friends has steered me through a very difficult time. We support and care for each other and what a great blessing that is indeed! I’ll be back soon to read your other posts, for some reason my laptop is really slow at loading pages this evening, and I need an early night in readiness for tomorrow! Hopefully whatever little glitch is playing up will disappear until I return. Continuing to send you and your husband my love and prayers dear Debby. You are an amazing woman, you really are ❤ xoxo
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Well we’re two peas in a pod as they say Sher. We weather the storms and keep on ticking. That’s why we’re friends, like attracts like, lol.
I know very well about support and friends. And I am too, so grateful for the wonderful friends like you and others in our community who send prayers and good wishes and take the time to say hello. This is support we need to get us through the dark moments.
So glad we’re friends. And yes, remember Sherri, it is ‘one day at a time’. That’s all we can handle. xoxox ❤
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We certainly are Deb…and me too! One day at a time is the way to go…keep calm and drink more tea. Or was that wine, LOL? 😀 Big hugs my friend ❤ xoxo
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I’ll take both! 🙂 xo ❤
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Lol…sounds good to me Deb 🙂 ❤ xoxo
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Cheers Sher! 🙂 xoxo
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😀 xoxo
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Powerful connections between the loneliness of writing and old age. I know both well, Sherri. Every month when I drive to Kansas to visit Mom, there are the same lonely people sitting in the entrance parlor, together but alone, silently watching to see if someone arrives for them. There have been a few months when I arrived with a big box of donuts and set them on the front table for them to enjoy, but sometimes it’s backfired and they follow me up to Mom’s apartment, wanting to continue our “talks” as they eat the donuts. Sometimes as a writer I feel the same need for affirmation and donuts, too. Hugs, Sherri! 🙂
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Aww, dear Marylin, I know how hard that must be when you see those lonely folk sitting at the entrance. I am not surprised that you are so kind to bring a gift of donuts for them, but yes, when they are so lonely, they will not want to let you out of their sight. I couldn’t stop thinking about what that elderly man said and this post went from there and the way loneliness can affect us at different stages of our lives. I’m sending you a big cyber box full of donuts and hugs right now! 🙂 ❤
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Mmmm…delicious, and much appreciated! 😉 ❤
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🙂 ❤
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Love how you have attended to your mother, and the fact that she is not lonely with her family & friends around. What a blessed lady:) My heart aches for the elderly man with no visitors. So good to hear from you again Sherri, and have a wonderful time at your memoirists getaway!
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Hello Susan! How lovely to hear from you, I must catch up with you. Thank you so much for checking in, for your lovely words, my mother is blessed indeed. But yes, my heart aches too for that man and others like him. So sad. I’ll keep you posted about the workshop, heading out tomorrow for the first session, yikes!! Take care, see you soon! 🙂 xo
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Pls. do keep me updated…I’d love to hear about it:)
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Ahh…thanks Susan! xo
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Lovely to hear your mother is truly on the mend and you have been able to be there for her. Terribly sad about the old man, although I can see myself in his place. Sad indeed.
I know you will thoroughly enjoy your Tuesday writing workshop. Now I must get the Sopranoe.
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Hi Susan, thank you for your lovely message. Oh I hope that is not the case for you, I really do ❤ I hope you enjoy the Sopranos when you do watch it…it is brilliantly written and acted. Take care, lovely of you to visit the Summerhouse, I hope you will do so again 🙂
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It is so kind, thoughtful and selfless of you to take care of your mum, Sherri. It sounds like she is in good hands, and she is surrounded by a lot of love. Best wishes to her, you and your family. The memoir writing workshop sounds interesting, and good luck with it. Sometimes we need to surround ourselves with likeminded people to get inspired. Although I’m an introvert, I must admit too much loneliness can do your head in. Often, it is the action and voices of those around us that inspire us and lift us – through caring, sharing and loving 🙂 ❤
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Thank you so much Mabel for your lovely message for me, Mum and my family. We do what we can do for our loved ones don’t we 🙂 I am so grateful that I can write from home but it is isolating at times. I am looking forward to getting out to meet with other writers, a first for me, in the flesh so to speak! So often getting a fresh perspective and insight into our work can help us over that final hurdle. That’s how I feel at the moment. I know what I need to do to finish my memoir but I really need to ask some questions too, get some feedback. We’re all in the same boat so it will be very interesting I’m sure. I hope life is treating you well, I will be over to you very soon! Have a wonderful week Mabel 🙂 ❤
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Lovely post and thank you so much for your meditation on loneliness. It breaks my heart that the elderly man might have so much family and yet no contact. I believe the studies you cite because I’ve seen it in my own life. As for The Sopranos: what a great series! I agree it’s far better than Breaking Bad, more complex, more character development. I hope your mom continues to improve and that you have a wonderful, inspiring time in London 🙂
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Hi Marie…lovely to read you rmessage, thank you so much. Yes, it is heartbreaking and to think of the damage loneliness causes across the board. Loneliness is an epidemic, despite all the ‘wonderful’ communication we have at our fingertips. Oh that’s great to know you agree about BB, I thought it was so good but then came The Sopranos 🙂 Thank you so much for your kind wishes for both my mum and London…I’ll post updates as often as I can… 🙂
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Nice to see you again, Sherri, and great news regarding your Mum!
Writing does take you away from other people, but I like the solitude. I can’t say I feel lonely when writing, although I am a bit of a loner anyway so it doesn’t really bother me. Besides, I have a head full of characters that need keeping in check from time to time.
Enjoy your writing course – it sounds like fun!
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Hi Tom, great to see you too, and thank you…so glad to report good news and yes, I’m looking forward to the course 🙂 I like the solitude too, but maybe it’s something about writing memoir and the past that heightens that sense of isolation from time to time. Your characters keep you occupied with their antics I’m sure!
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So good to see you! ❤ Glad to hear you mum is progressively getting better. Also, that she is not lonely because I completely agree with you on that. It is awful and unhealthy.
So, here I am being kind of thick. I didn't realize it was the same workshop as Lisa that you were attending. That is so cool! I am envious and wish I could have a cup of tea with you both! Have fun and am sending continued hugs and chocolate your way.
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Wonderful to see you too lovely lady, and thank you so much 🙂 And you’re not thick, far from it!!! Oh I wish you could have a cup of tea with us too…we’ll let you know how it all goes…and I’m taking your hugs and chocolate with me, from start to finish… ❤
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That is a very sad story about that elderly man. I wonder how much of it (if it’s true) he brought on himself. Ooh. That doesn’t sound very compassionate, does it? I hope he can reconnect with his family. There. That’s better.
I’m pleased to hear that your mum is improving. I hope she continues to do so and that you are able to regain confidence in her ability to live independently.
Good on you for participating the CityLit memoir writing program with Lisa. You two are going to have a ball together. I’m envious! It’s amazing how we all complain about our schedules being pushed back and not meeting our timeline goals. Perhaps our expectations were too high in the first place! I hope you find the course helpful and that it moves your project along nicely.
I haven’t watched any of the programs that you mentioned. If the Sopranos can inspire you to keep writing, then they have served a wonderful purpose.
i look forward to hearing future updates. Now don’t you and Lisa go getting up to too much mischief. Without me! xx
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I know what you mean Norah. I do think that too in these kind of situations. I wonder if perhaps he has family but he doesn’t remember, or maybe there are more problems that we don’t know about. It is so difficult, but I was just so moved by what he said and haven’t been able to think about it, if it is true then it is so sad. Ahh…thank you so much about my mum, I’m relieved to share the good news as I slowly get back on my feet. I’ll be slow here with more to do in the week but I’ll post and visit as I can, and of course keep active over at the Ranch 🙂 Yes, I wonder about our expectations. I know for sure I’ve set mine too high too many times! I’m hoping that this workshop will give me the shove I need to jump that final hurdle towards finishing my MS. Ha, yes, who knew? A TV box set about a mob family in modern day New Jersey would inspire my writing? Just goes to show doesn’t it? I always said my Grandfather was like the Godfather, LOL 😀 Oh I still can’t believe that you were in London and I missed it…darn, if only I had met you here then. But never say never…and Lisa and I will be sharing all this with you and everyone else and your ears will be burning but only in the best way. Any mischief we’ll be sure to include you in! See you soon Norah, sending hugs and hoping things are going well for you in your neck of the woods 🙂 ❤
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We all seem to be bowing under the pressure of trying to do too much at the moment. I remember a little book years ago. The title was something like, “For women who do too much”. I never had the time to read it! I bet you didn’t either! I wonder are we making up for all those child raising years when we focused (through choice and desire) on others’ needs. Now it’s time to do stuff for us and we realise that time’s running short. More years behind than ahead – for me anyway.
I am so envious of you and Lisa. I know you’ll have a wonderful time together. I’ll be there in spirit. Look after yourself, as well as your Mum. Take care. xx
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Haha…you got it Norah, that book definitely passed me by! I think you make an excellent point there, I definitely feel that way and maybe that’s why I get so frustrated when I can’t do the things I really want to do…like write. That awful feeling of time running short…I battle constantly against it. Ahh…thank you so much Norah. You take care too and have a lovely weekend. I’m off to see my boys tomorrow for the weekend and visiting my mum today. I’ll be a straggler over at the Ranch again, my early gallop in last week was a one-off I reckon! Hugs… xx
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Busy, busy, busy! Always busy! Breathe. Enjoy the time with your Mum. Enjoy the time with your boys. There is no better place to be than with each of them. Be there. With them. In the present moment. Remember, that’s why it’s called the present – it is a gift.
Sounds like you might have circles under your eyes before you get to “my” prompt over at the ranch. (You’ll get that if you get there!)
Enjoy. Take care. xx
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Ha…sounds intriguing, and I will get there! Yes, I’m breathing…and I will enjoy in the present, circles under my eyes or not lol 😀 Very wise words. Thank you Norah…you’re a star ⭐ xx
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Thanks Sherri. I’m good at reminding others! 🙂
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Lol 😀
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Dearest Sherri, this is such a beautiful post, oozing with love and affection. I was so sad to hear about your mother’s stroke, worrying for her and your family. However, great news that she is recovering well and able to be home. As you say family and friends are a blessing, a lifeline and being in the same situation at the moment with a family member (albeit much sicker) I know without the constant family around him, he would not be alive today. I know your love and presence and that of your family is a wonderful happiness for your mother – to chat, to have someone fighting her corner. Now, you go on that course and enjoy it to the full extent, gleaming wondrous new information and letting the creative juices flow. A post or two about this in the future perhaps? Best of luck to you, warmest wishes to you and your mother. Hugs, Annika ❤️
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Thank you so much dearest Annika, and also for your lovely email, I’ll reply tomorrow from the train 🙂 I know you are going through a difficult family time yourself, my heart goes out to you ❤ You are so kind to take the time to leave your lovely message here when I know you have a plate full. It means so much to me. I'll post updates here as I can about the course. Meanwhile, I'll go ahead with your hugs and wonderful wishes…so very kind of you. See you soon! Big hugs back 🙂
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Hi Sherri, it’s lovely to see you back in the Summerhouse and I’m so pleased to hear that your mum is back at home.
Loneliness is something I keep hearing more and more about. Even I look back and wonder where all the friends went? Fifteen years ago we had a big group of friends but, over time, many have gone on their way where life takes them and we end up losing contact. I think the busy schedules of today’s lifestyles also plays a big part in loneliness. I recently read a wonder quote that went along the lines of –
“Don’t come and see me and bring me flowers when I’m dead. Come and see me and bring me flowers while I am alive.”
When I was visiting my mother in the nursing home last year, I was so sad for the many residents who nurses told me never had any visitors. One elderly lady was delighted when I took the time to sit and talk to her over a cup of tea and plate of biscuits. She thought I was my mother’s ‘fancy man’ and told me about all the wonderful men and fun she had with them during her life. “I was the belle of the ball and a social butterfly” were her words. Now, nobody came to see her, although she told me that all the men still came and that’s why she was always brushing her hair. Her final words to me on the last day in the home were “Never let a man see you without makeup on.”
I wish you lots of luck with the course in London. That final push to finish the book is upon you and I look forward to reading it.
Take care,
Hugh
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Hi Hugh! Lovely to hear from you, I’ve been gone for ages it seems and so behind although I’ve enjoyed reading some of your posts via FB even if not leaving any comments. But I am there…lurking in the background, lol 😀
Oh Hugh, your story of the elderly ‘belle of the ball’ at your mother’s nursing home had me smiling and crying all at the same time. What a character, I love her quote about make up, bless. What a lovely man you are to spend that precious time with her. I used to work at a nursing home for a short time when my eldest son was little and I was shocked then at how many of the ladies there didn’t have any visitors. One of them had dementia and every evening before dinner I used to give her a small glass of sherry, Matron’s orders. That was the one time she smiled 🙂
I feel the same way about certain friends too. Where have they gone, I often wonder? Life moves on and people move on and away and then, new friends come along. Which reminds me, I can’t wait for the Blogger’s Bash…I’ll be there, in London twice that week!
The quote about flowers is powerful and so true and something we all need to remember.
Thank you so much for your wonderful support and encouragement of my memoir Hugh, I’m honoured that you want to read it. Likewise for your book of short stories for which I know there is a huge anticipation from many and I will do all I can to help you promote it. See you soon my friend 🙂 xx
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You’re very welcome, Sherri. I’m just very pleased to hear that your mum is back at home.
I’m so looking forward to the Bloggers’ Bash and seeing you again. I still laugh about me recording you for the Official Bloggers Bash video. I’ll be doing the same again this year, but given that there is going to be a lot more bloggers at this year’s event, I could be recording all day! Sacha gave me 15 minutes on the schedule -Umm, I don’t think so somehow, but we had a laugh about it.
Take care, Sherri.
xx
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Haha…oh Hugh, that was so funny, especially when you reminded me to say who I was!!! But I’ll be dodging your video camera this time, lol 😀 I think you might have to delegate the filming at this rate! Same here, I’m so looking forward to seeing you again too, it will be so much fun. And thank you again so much for visiting my blog, your kind words about my mum and keeping tabs on me when I’ve been so absent from your blog. You’re a true friend. I have missed your posts very much, I do so enjoy reading them, but I will be spending some time over there very shortly to see what you’ve been up to. See you soon Hugh…! xx
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It’s sad that there is now supposedly an epidemic of loneliness, that it seems will only get worse in the future as we live longer and more of our interactions become electronic. I’m glad that your mother has so many friends and family around her so that she isn’t a victim of that loneliness. Writing is lonely but it’s good to meet other writers wherever we can. Keep going with that memoir, as I can’t wait to read it 🙂 I hope those workshops give you just what you need.
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Hi Andrea, lovely to see you! I agree, it is an epidemic and it’s so sad. I’m very grateful about my mum too, especially as I don’t live on the doorstep. I am very much looking forward to getting my memoir finished, three years now in the making, and I’m about to jump over that final hurdle…I hope! Although I’ve had so many moments of self doubt and hating the whole thing that I’ve wondered if I’ll ever get there. But I’m laser focused now! I’ll keep you posted. And thank you so much, I’m thrilled you want to read it. That makes me very happy and nervous all at the same time! Hope all is well with you and your writing is going well my friend. I’ll be over to catch up with you asap…take care 🙂
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Hi Sherri – I’m a bit late doing my rounds this weekend. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve never watched The Sopranos! However, your encounter with that old gentleman struck a chord – when my Dad was in the care home there were plenty of oldies who never seemed to have any visitors at all – and I used to think that their relatives had probably given up on them as their dementia advanced – but I know that however distant Dad became, he always knew we were there, even if he couldn’t remember who we were.
I’m so excited that you’ll be going to the City Lit. Years ago I did an evening class there in contemporary literature. I’d forgotten all about the place till now and I’m pleased to hear it’s still going. Hope you enjoy the course and get a little time off to explore a bit of London too😉
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Hi Jenny! No worries…I’m posting infrequently these days as you know! I thought I was the only one who hadn’t seen The Sopranos too…now I’m hooked, so I wonder what you would think if you ever watch it! Ahh…that’s so lovely that your dear dad had his family with him. I noticed that a couple of elderly women in Mum’s ward had dementia and didn’t have any visitors. It is so sad isn’t it? That’s amazing you went to City Lit, we did a reckie when we were in London recently and I was very impressed. I don’t think I’ll have much time to explore though as my tickets are restricted and I’ve got to get back and forth sharpish. 6 hours of travelling for a 2 hour course, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it and I do enjoy the train ride. But I told hubby about the Sky Garden in the Walkie Talkie and that’s moved up to number one on the list for our next visit! I’ll let you know how it all goes 🙂 xx
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Great post, Sherri. Your words ring true. Loneliness is a killer I’ve seen first hand.So glad your mum has people about to love on her and help her heal. It really is as much about the mind as the body. I’ve no doubt your worships will stir you with inspiration and zeal into your homestretch. You are closing in on the finish and its only the first quarter of the year. Think of all your progress! Peace to you, you’ll be finished in no time! 🙂
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Hi Lilka, always so lovely to see you and thank you so much for your wonderfully encouraging and uplifting message, as always 🙂 Yes, I agree about mind and body, so important. I know I’ve said a few times I think I’m getting close to the finish line but then I end up taking more than a few steps back…I hope and pray that this time, I can keep moving forward!! Peace to you too my friend, I hope things are going well for you and your lovely family 🙂 ❤
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Just to be contentious I think Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad and The Sopranos were all overrated. Sorry about that! Loneliness is a terrible thing but it can also drive the creative skills to an extent, if the person is so inclined.
A blog is a great outlet for keeping in touch with people despite not seeing them and it is great that you are pushing on with your memoir. It is exciting times indeed for you and by extension for your readers!
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No apologies necessary my friend, your opinion I greatly respect and admire, and it’s great to see you again! I am very wary of anything that is over-hyped and often overrated, usually staying away as I know I’ll be disappointed. The thing about Sopranos is that I didn’t watch it when it played the first time in the US in the late 90s, when I lived there. I was at the same stage of life, kids the same ages, family ‘stuff’, the style of clothes and haircuts. It feels like I’m being transported back to that time in my life, pre- 9/11 and then the aftermath. But of course, I didn’t belong to a mob family – I don’t think! – so that’s where the similarity ends. And of course I was in California not New Jersey. But it’s helped me understand some things I write about in my memoir, as my American GI’s mother was Italian American and the whole culture around food and family meals together was very much as portrayed. It’s helped me understand a bit better why things went so wrong. But that’s all I’m saying, lol!
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The nostalgia fact makes sense and I must say TV as research for your book is a good excuse. Perhaps the new series of Twin Peaks will help as well! That sounds like an interesting exploration for a blog post.
The more you talk of your memoir, the more layered and intriguing it gets!
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Oh yes, Twin Peaks. I really need to go back to the beginning with that and watch it all over again. Thanks for the reminder! Who would have thought that TV can be good research for writing a book? The Sopranos took me by huge surprise for that reason alone, although many times when I’m watching something, usually a psychological thriller of some sorts, I start thinking, ‘I want to write like that’! Ahh, thanks Ste, I take that as a huge compliment. I can only hope it reads that way, when the time comes…and I’m working on it, believe me!!!
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Judging by your blog writing style – which I enjoy immensely by the way – I think we will enjoy your book. I think you have nothing to fear, you consider your words, you keep learning and exploring which always inspires others as well. Plus you can use your TV research to turn into in a series.
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Oh thank you so much for saying that…I’m honoured, truly, value your feedback greatly my friend! And who knows…maybe the Somerset version of The Sopranos is closer than we think, LOL!
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A Somerset version of the Sopranos sounds like Emmerdale gone wrong…I’d watch it. I am great at feedback, except that time when I was an amp at a gig, the crowd or band didn’t appreciate it, da-dum chee.
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LOL & LOL!!!
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I think you’ve just summarised why my daughter loves her job so much, because every day she’s out there, supporting people in their homes, doing little jobs for them, and spending time talking to them (and she’s never short of conversation!). Lonely people must often question why they’re still here in this world, when everybody ignores them. I love all that’s done at the Age Concern Centre in our town, to alleviate loneliness and provide so many entertaining activities, as well as offer practical help. Sherri, your mum is so lucky to have such a caring daughter. Take care of yourself, too. You are such a giving person that it must quite exhaust you at times. I’m looking forward to reading that memoir of yours. Keep up the good work. Love & hugs, Sarah xxxx
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Yes, I can see why for your daughter too Sarah. Knowing we have that support from others, knowing that someone cares enough to spend a little time with us, really listen and help us know we are not alone is vital. Thank you for your kind concern and wise words! I’m certainly no saint, I can only do what I can, but reading lovely messages like these re-energises me 🙂 And I need to get my head down with the writing! Love & hugs to you too my friend… xxxx
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I’m so glad my message helped re-energise you, Sherri. Re writing, you need to cut yourself some slack, as our US cousins say. I’ve come to the conclusion that if you push yourself when you’re in a non-writing mood, it very rarely produces anything worthwhile. Just remember that Donna Tartt takes about 8-10 years to write a novel, but it’s always worth the wait, just as I’m sure your memoir will be! xxxx
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Yes, you’re right Sarah, I do need to cut myself some slack, big time!! And 8-10 years? Wow. I feel so much better now! Thank you, as always, for your great encouragement! xxxx
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I think all elderly people suffer if they live long enough. Unless they have family to visit their friends are naturally going to drop off as they too become too old to travel. I am lucky with my Mum that she rings her friends in Sydney every week. At least one each day, sometimes more but slowly they are leaving and eventually she will have few to ring. I think thiis is why women gravitate to be near their daughters as they get older. I think I will be like the lonely old man as I have no family to come to visit when I am old.
The thing that gets me with loneliness is that you can be with people and be acutely lonely but be alone and not feel lonely at all. The first is a horrible state to be in.
Glad your Mum continues to improve and that your memoir is coming on with the help of the Sopranos. Hope your course is good. Will email soon. ❤
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I’m glad that your mum still has friends to call but yes, that is so hard about getting older and friends drop off. I remember that happening to my Granny who lived to 94. In the end everyone was gone, last of all her dear, older brother at 92. The thing is, that for none of us, there are no guarantees are there, family or not? And I agree, I think feeling lonely while surrounded by others is one of the worst feelings ever. Thank you for your kind and encouraging thoughts for both Mum and me…and I send the very same to you my friend, and yes, we’ll be in touch 🙂 ❤ xxx
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Talk and walk soon. ❤
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Definitely 🙂 ❤
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I’m glad things are turning a corner for you now. I wonder if the man was really as lonely as he thought he was? My friend’s grandmother has dementia and, although she has several visitors every day she doesn’t remember them and constantly complains that no one comes to see her. Personally, I’m very good at being alone but never lonely. I guess it’s a state of mind.
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Hi Marie! Thank you, lovely to hear from you. I hope all is well with you, I will be over soon to see what you’re up to 🙂 It’s a bit hit and miss for me at the moment with blogging while I take care of things at home and try hard to work on my memoir while attending the workshop. I agree with you, there could be any number of scenarios, and it is very difficult when dementia plays a part. I’m not sure with the man I write about, but I hope his family visit. I hope you have a lovely weekend 🙂
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Hey Sherri glad to hear your Mum is on the mend.
Even those who are loved and surrounded by people can still feel alone can’t they. My brother who suffered depression, had so many friends and family to support him but he admitted that he still felt alone battling his depression. After nearly twenty years since his passing I still wonder was there more we could have done to make him see he was not alone. I will never know. And so if someone tells me their loved one is isolating themselves or down or depressed I tell them to make sure that person knows that they are there for them always.
Have fun in the workshop sounds great.
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Hi Kath! So lovely to hear from you, I have been very absent from blogging. Will be intermittent while I work on my memoir and finish the workshop. Thank you so much for your kind message about my mum, she is doing very well 🙂 And yes, that is so true. I am so very sorry to read about your brother, what a terrible loss. Depression is horrendous and so much more than just feeling blue; it is that terrible aloneness even in the midst of help from loved ones that can still bring tragic consequences. Sometimes just letting the person know we are there for them always is all we can do and I’m sure you did everything you possibly could for your dear brother ❤ I hope things are going well with you my friend, I enjoy seeing you over on FB here and there, and I will be over to your blog soon! Have a wonderful weekend…hugs xoxo
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It has been a long long time since I was last on wordpress – so being back and reading your gentle, caring words is such a pleasure Sherri. I look forward to hearing about your adventures in London.
The elderly are such a forgotten and often discarded generation – many of them walk in such sadness – your story echos one of so many I have heard. May he find his peace.
Lots of blessings to you
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Oh Mitch, and now I hope you believe me when I say this, but seriously, I was only just thinking of you and hoping you are okay. So imagine my huge surprise, delighted actually, to read your lovely message here! So wonderful to see you again my friend! I’ve left a comment over on your blog. I’m intermittent at the moment as you can probably tell, still writing my memoir as you can also tell, ha! And yes, I so hope that elderly man finds peace too. Lonlieness is a terrible thing indeed. And I hope to blog about London at some point as the summer goes on. Thank you for coming back to me and the Summerhouse. I so look forward to sharing blogland with you again. Meanwhile, I hope you have a wonderful weekend, and lots of blessings and big hugs to you too! 🙂 xo
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It doesn’t matter the generation. It has and always will be in our world, people that just don’t care. One can go out of their way to be kind and love and share and all the goodness of what they have to offer, but it is out of ones control to make others do so. I can only hope someone in his family shows this man some kindness, after all, if it weren’t for him…there wouldn’t be a them. Wonderful post. Glad I fell into your blog! Best wishes to you and your writing. Koko:)
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Thank you so much for your loving, caring and kind message Koko. And yes, showing kindness and love has to start with us, absolutely. I’m so glad you fell into my blog too, the door is always open at the Summerhouse, I wish you very best in life 🙂 ~ Sherri
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Very sad that the older generation are often so forgotten but they are often so interesting to talk to. After all they have a whole history in their lives. Great that you are getting out and about to do a memoir course in London what fun!
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Hi Marje. Yes, it is so sad isn’t it? You’re so right, the elderly have a lifetime of stories to tell, if their loved ones take the time to listen. And thank you! Yes…will be over soon, it’s been good in some ways, and although I enjoy the journey, it is a very long and tiring day. Plus I need to get down to some more writing!! I hope yours is going well!
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Hi Sherri, the MS is with beta readers so just waiting for some feedback. Time to get back to doing a bit of my other MS so might dig that out soon…
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That’s great news Marje…you are way further ahead than me! I feel like this memoir is taking so long… I hope you find your feedback very encouraging and helpful, as I’m sure you will 🙂
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Thank you Sherri. Good luck to you too with your memoir writing. 🙂
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Thank you so much Marje…and I’ll catch up with you soon! Have a wondeful weekend! 🙂 xx
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And you too Sherri. 🙂 xx
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Thanks Marje! 🙂 xx
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