Tell everyone you know you’re going away for three months, preferably six. When they ask where, tell them somewhere with no internet or phone signal or pets (see Step Two).
A room by the water in the Norwegian fjords should do the trick…
If your cat does insist on coming with you, make sure you also take an external hard drive (you have no internet, remember) and Save Save Save. That way you won’t panic when dear Catkins dashes across your keyboard and hits the delete key. So what if your entire manuscript just vanished before your eyes? Who cares? Not Catkins. He’s calculated with at least five lives left, he’s got nothing to lose: if he can wrap presents, he can help you…
Write Your Book.
So far, so good. But a few weeks in, you sit down to write and you freeze. You stare at the screen and you hate what you read. Oh no, this isn’t happening, not now. You pace the room like a caged beast ranting to yourself. You’ve lost your mind Call yourself a writer? You can’t write. You’re an imposter and your writing’s crap. Your mind’s a jumble of no good for nothing. Yes, that’s right…
You’re In Writer’s Block Hell.
Pull something from the jumble and focus. If a gnome can live happily in a gravy boat strung with five pretty lights, you can write your book. Okay?
If that doesn’t work, you need inspiration…
Take a walk by the sea and declutter.
You never know who you might bump into…
How about a five-piece metal band to
mess with stimulate your mind?
And when you’ve done all that, pop the bubbly: of the 97% of writers who start their book but never finish, you’re one of the 3% who didn’t quit. High-fives, cheers and congratulations…
You Did It!
NB: This is my entry for the Bloggers Bash Blog Post Competition 2019. The theme is any subject with the number ‘Five’.