High Into The Blue

I wrote this poem when I was half-crazed with grief.   I was sitting in my garden in early summer just as everything was at long-last coming into bloom after a very protracted, cold winter and spring, of which I had intentions to write a post about but I could not, such was the depth of my grief at the time.

Instead, what I wrote was this poem.  I decided to post it anyway, together with the photographs which I had taken that day of my roses and other blooms.

The contrast of the beauty of my garden against the rawness of the words arising out of the pain in my soul created what I called, ‘High Into The Blue’.

High Into The Blue.

Summer Rose (c) copyright Sherri Matthews 2013

Summer Rose
(c) copyright Sherri Matthews 2013

Even though I break and shatter,

Even though I cry alone;

Even then I know you are with me,

Even then I know I am home.

Lillies (c) Copyright Sherri Matthews 2013

How do I heal from this?  Is it possible when I am so very lost?

My Garden (c) Sherri Matthews Copyright 2013

My acid tears cannot quench the raging torrent of a red hot pain coursing through me.

This is a good sign. 

At least it means I can feel something.  It is easier to feel anger than deal with the naked truth of a grief that is as stark and as harsh as a wild, black sea. 

Tossed about as I am, yet I’ve never felt more grounded that I ever have right now.  I cannot understand it. The truth is I want to be angry but I can’t.  So I have no choice but to face the grief in all its stripped down glory.

It is sublime.  A thing of perverse beauty.

My Trailing Rose (c) Copyright Sherri Matthews 2013

As I hold your hand darling girl in the dead of night, there is an unbreakable love surrounding us. 

The darkest hour is before dawn. 

Dawn arrives bringing with it sweet relief. 

For there is always  hope.  There is always faith.  But the greatest of these is

Love.

My Garden (c) Copyright Sherri Matthews 2013

Quiet. Still. Colour.

Serenade me if you will;

Reach out and touch me in the cold beauty of this hour.

Heal me with your cool breeze, with your handmade colours and your music from heaven;

Stir me with your symphony and bring me back to life. 

Fall upon me Summer Rain and speak to me with your promises of deliverance;

Softly whisper them to me so many times that I shall never forget them.

Then take my burden and lift me high into the blue.

Rose
(c) copyright Sherri Matthews 2013

Then I know that it is well

It is well with my soul.

 All photographs and poem (c) copyright Sherri Matthews July 2013

9 Responses to High Into The Blue

  1. This is so amazing, Sherri!! When I went through my divorce in 1990, so much poetry poured out of me, I couldn’t stop it in my time of grief. I wrote a lot then, kept a diary, but also went back to college. So I was pretty busy! But writing and my relationship with God is what got me through it. I keep thinking one of these days I’ll find all that poetry and put it on my blog, but it’s time-consuming to have to type it all up again! LOL! 🙂
    I love your photos, too! Beautiful flowers!

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    • Sherri says:

      Isn’t it amazing how grief and raw pain gives rise to a deeper level of creativity that bursts out so that we have no choice but to write it down! I would never have shared any poetry publicly and certainly never intended to when I started this blog but then it just seemed right to do it and I’m so glad that I did.

      This was originally part of a post I did back in the summer. My daughter was going through a very difficult time and my heart was so heavy when I wrote this. I discovered that by sharing my photographs I could illustrate them as the words poured out.

      I only recently discovered the WP photo challenges and took up the photo one because it gives me a weekly discipline to keep to while I try to keep writing my memoir off-blog! But time, or lack of it is, the big problem, so I do understand!

      I’m sorry that you had to go through the pain of divorce, but having gone through it myself I do know how awful it is. As with you, my faith and God’s strength got me through.

      Thanks so much Patsy for sharing your story and for your lovely compliment of my photos, so glad you enjoyed them 🙂

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      • You are welcome, Sherri. Like I said, I will definitely be visiting your blog again!

        I have another blog where I’m writing my memoirs, but I haven’t written anything since September I think. I always get to a certain point in my past and can’t seem to go on. But only a couple of people know it’s even there. It’s called My Crazy Life! and it is at http://spreadingmy2wings.wordpress.com.
        My son has been going through some stuff lately that I may need to write about, too, but I just haven’t taken the time yet. He is 17.

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        • Sherri says:

          Yes, please keep in touch Patsy, I’m loving your visits! I will take a look at your other blog, thanks for the link.

          So sorry to hear about your son, 17 is a tough age. I went through the wringer with mine last year when he went through a terrible break up with his girlfriend (he is 25) but he is doing much better now. It left it’s mark though. This on the heels of my daughter’s terrible time last year. No wonder I feel wrung out a few months’ later…delayed reaction methinks…but I found that writing about it during the process as much as I was able to with their permission certainly helped. I will never forget the kindness that poured out from other bloggers in response to my posts at that time.

          With this in mind, I press ahead with my memoir from a much earlier time in my life (pre-children) that as painful as it is when revisiting certain memories, I keep reminding myself of the tremendous healing that comes from baring our souls on paper when written from the heart and which I sincerely hope, will bless and help others in the process. Then it will all be worth it!

          Thank you so much once again Patsy for taking the time to share your thoughts and your story with me, I am blessed greatly by your honest, open and very loving heart 🙂

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          • You know, I’m convinced that all we can do at this point with our kids is listen to them, be there for them, and pray for them. It gets harder I’ve discovered now that they can make their own decisions. LOL! At least I am so thankful that our kids talk to me and tell me when they are struggling.

            I pray you have the strength to press on with your memoirs. Mine started feeling overwhelming during last summer. But I hope maybe this year I can finish it. It’s not going to be long, that’s for sure! And I am sure your photos and poetry are blessing many, many people out there. I hope you will be able to put them all in an anthology like you were saying someday.

            I feel blessed to know you as well, Sherri. It’s great to make new friends. 🙂

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