Going through a very difficult time in early July, I was unable to keep to any of my planned posts for my blog. All I could do was to write what was in my heart. This is another poem which I wrote out of my pain at that time.
What I really wanted to do was to write a post about The Norfolk Broads, but again, all I could do was to post some photographs which I had taken from a time recently spent there and put the photographs to the words of my poem.
Ultimately, as I was beginning my healing from a very intense time of grief, I wanted to express in this poem that part of my salvation came from just one person who took the time to ask: “And how are YOU?”
Sometimes, this is all it takes. To know that there is somebody who really, really loves you and cares for and is saying, “I’m here for you, always…”
The title of this poem, then, is self-explanatory: Not Quite Myself.
Not Quite Myself
I’ve been to hell & back you see so I haven’t been quite myself
Trying to maintain and keep it all flowing free.
It’s not meant to be like this, is it?
It’s not like I’m 23.
Get a grip, take a hold on this bumpy ride
This a predicament alright.
There is no set of rules.
Thought I’d learnt my lines before I threw away the script.
Been to hell & back, you see
So excuse me while I breathe.
I can’t pretend it’s any different
Though, search me, I wish it were.
I wish I could be like all the rest and keep going nonetheless.
Whoa there, this girl is all over the place!
But I’m dealing with the matter in hand.
She’s a little bit touched in the head, my dear,
A cut too deep while she slept.
Scrutinise me, meditate me, say a prayer for me, please.
I know that Jesus is by my side, so it’s really not that bad.
I’ve been to hell & back you see,
So excuse me if I’m not myself.
Can’t I just fly into the sunset?
Can’t I just stand beneath the storm?
Can a rainbow bring bands of golden hope
To a mind so lost for words?
I’ve been to hell & back you see, I’m sorry if I’m not all I can be.
Yet even in my darkest hour and you offered me your hand
You asked, “And how are you?”
I knew then that I was saved
Because I knew then that I was not alone.
All photographs and poem (c) copyright Sherri Matthews June 2013