Not Quite Myself

Going through a very difficult time in early July, I was unable to keep to any of my planned posts for my blog.  All I could do was to write what was in my heart.  This is another poem which I wrote out of my pain at that time.

What I really wanted to do was to write a post about The Norfolk Broads, but again, all I could do was to post some photographs which I had taken from a time recently spent there and put the photographs to the words of my poem.

Ultimately, as I was beginning my healing from a very intense time of grief, I wanted to express in this poem that part of my salvation came from just one person who took the time to ask: “And how are YOU?”

Sometimes, this is all it takes.  To know that there is somebody who really, really loves you and cares for and is saying, “I’m here for you, always…”

The title of this poem, then, is self-explanatory:  Not Quite Myself.

Not Quite Myself

I’ve been to hell & back you see so I haven’t been quite myself

Trying to maintain and keep it all flowing free.

It’s not meant to be like this, is it?

It’s not like I’m 23.

Get a grip, take a hold on this bumpy ride

This a predicament alright.

There is no set of rules.

Thought I’d learnt my lines before I threw away the script.

Been to hell & back, you see

So excuse me while I breathe.

Meaning:

I can’t pretend it’s any different

Though, search me, I wish it were.

I wish I could be like all the rest and keep going nonetheless.

Whoa there, this girl is all over the place!

But I’m dealing with the matter in hand.

She’s a little bit touched in the head, my dear,

A cut too deep while she slept.

Scrutinise me, meditate me, say a prayer for me, please.

I know that Jesus is by my side, so it’s really not that bad.

I’ve been to hell & back you see,

So excuse me if I’m not myself.

Sunset at Ranworth Broad, Norfolk Broads UK (c) Sherri Matthews 2013

Can’t I just fly into the sunset?

Can’t I just stand beneath the storm?

Can a rainbow bring bands of golden hope

To a mind so lost for words?

Maybe.

Rainbow on River Bure, Norfolk Broads (c) copyright Sherri Matthews 2013

I’ve been to hell & back you see, I’m sorry if I’m not all I can be.

Yet even in my darkest hour and  you offered me your hand

You asked, “And how are you?”

I knew then that I was saved

Because I knew then that I was not alone.

Evening at South Walsham Broad, Norfolk Broads (c) copyright Sherri Matthews 2013

All photographs and poem (c) copyright Sherri Matthews June 2013

19 Responses to Not Quite Myself

  1. A beautiful heart-felt poem. I hope you are heeling.
    Your photos are beautiful too. It looks like you have plenty of nurturing nature around you.
    All the best to you.

    Like

  2. mrssumma says:

    Ms. Sherri,
    Thank you for sharing, you are right. There is such incredible relief when one who loves us as we are sees us, as we are, broken, hurting and hiding behind a smiling mask. I have enjoyed reading your blog. Thanks for the beautiful photos! I never have the time to take them, so it’s such fun to look upon yours!
    Blessings, mel

    Like

    • Sherri says:

      Hello Mel, thank you so very much for stopping by my blog and for taking the time to read my poem and for your kind comments, I really appreciate it. Yes, all it takes is for one person to say ‘I’m here’ even when they don’t have any answers.

      So glad that you also enjoyed the photos. I have always taken lots of photos but for my own pleasure and for family memories. It is only since I started my blog that I began to share them with my posts as a way to illustrate them, so I am always thrilled when others such as yourself appreciate them! Thank you!

      I do hope that you will visit me at my summerhouse again soon and I wish you a very Happy New Year 🙂

      Like

  3. GORGEOUS PHOTOS, Sherri! 🙂 Beautiful raw words, also. I am enjoying your blog!

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  4. Gosh, Sherri – You truly are an amazing wordsmith.
    This says it all so eloquently, beautifully, poignantly.
    Thank you –
    I will hold onto these words and take respite from them when I need it most.
    Best wishes always, and I hope that ‘hell’ is far away now, and for the future.
    Emma x.

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  5. Sherri says:

    Bless you Emma, thank you so much for reading this poem, I’m truly humbled and honoured that it should offer you some measure of respite. Goodness, this blesses me so much! You are so kind.Things were very tough when I wrote this but that particular ‘hell’ has disappeared I’m so happy to say. Let’s hope and pray it remains so…
    I am most grateful to you dear Emma, big hugs from me to you…
    Sherri xx

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  6. Great photos and even greater words 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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