Where to begin?
Let’s try December 21st, 2021, with my last blog post. On Christmas Eve, three days after I posted, my Mum was rushed by ambulance to our local hospital with a stroke. Life for us both would never be the same again.
She, constrained by the physical fragility and cognitive impairment that stopped her from driving ever again, struggled with the loss of her fierce independence and worried for the toll on me looking after her.
I struggled with the shift of balance in our relationship as her daughter, but also her caregiver, and my long, slow grief for the loss of her.
And then this September, my beautiful, brave and beloved Mum passed away.
This, simply, is why I vanished.
I feel like the brand new blogger I was back in 2013, typing my first ever post about who-knows-what (oh yes, my garden robin…), thinking: what am I doing?
Hello World.
Remember that?
I’ve lost 1,000 followers overnight. I still pay rent to WordPress and get “stat” notifications which I glance at here and there and that’s how I know.
That world no longer exists for this blogger. An emptier, lonelier place for me without my darling Mum. Knowing she is in a better place than this one and that she lived a long and good life to the grand age of 89 helps. And she would tell me not to be sad.
So, where to begin?
Maybe right here, today.
Love, Sherri x
good to see you back it’s now time for you to concentrate on yourself and do what makes you happy….
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Thank you, Tish xxx
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wonderful piece welcome back 🍺
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Mike M, simply, Thank You xxx
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Pleased to hear from you again, even if the circumstances are sad. It must have taken a great toll on you, doing all that caring. Your mum was so lucky to have you there for her.
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Denise, thank you and lovely to hear from you, thinking of you recently, reminiscing about Sussex… xx
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Hi Sherri. I’m so sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, I too can relate. Another thing we have in common. Sending all the love and light your way, my friend. Reach out when you’re up to it. ❤️🩹
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Karen, lovely to hear from you, thank you. but I’m so sorry too for your loss. A tough gig, this. Love and light indeed and on we go… xx
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Sherri, what a treat to see your post appear in my inbox. Hello, dear friend, it’s so good to hear your words again. Thank you for sharing about your mom, what a special relationship and what a loss to be also grieving. Sending my love to you.
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Heather, thank you for your sweet message. It’s a hard blow losing Mum, but I carry her love with me everywhere and she loved reading my blog, bless her. One day at a time… xx
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Oh, Sherri, good to see your post and find out what has been happening-we always wonder when people disappear from their blogs. Sorry to hear your news but I’m afraid it is a consequence of age. Glad you were able to look after your mother as best you could.
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Sue, thank you. I did not want to disappear, but yes, some do and we are left wondering what happened. The years went by and I do feel a bit lost, but the writing is always there even when I wish not sometimes… xx
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Take care
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Thanks Sue x
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😊
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Sending love Sherri. You have had a really tough few years. xx
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Thanks, Alison, love to you xx
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Hi Sherri, I’m really sorry to hear that about your mum. It sounds like you’ve had a hard time. It’s hard to lose a loved one you have such a close relationship to. My heart goes out to you. Sending love and hugs xx
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Thank you, Esther. I’m so grateful I had her in my life for as long as I did xx
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God Bless you, Sherri!
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Annette, God Bless You! x
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Delighted to see you here! Welcome back! May a lifetime of memories with your beautiful be a comfort and balm in the days ahead. ♥️
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Much love and blessings dearest Diane xoxox
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Hi Sherri, My condolences on your Mum’s passing. I know too well the difficulties of being a care giver and daughter. My Mum also passed. Like you I haven’t been blogging over the last few years and always think each Christmas that I will again make the effort. Perhaps like memoir we’ll make the effort together. Good to see you after all this time
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Irene, so many years have passed us by and life has changed us both. Losing our mums, writing memoir, far from blogging. Lovely to hear from you. Perhaps, as you say, we will once more share our stories. Thank you for your lovely message xx
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Sherri, my deepest condolences for your loss. My mom died two years ago this past September, and it’s still hard to believe I can’t just pick up the phone and call her. Give yourself time … lots of it.
I was thrilled, though, when I saw your post. I’m still a subscriber, and I was looking at your blog just a few days ago, wondering how you were and what was happening, what had happened in your life. I like to think that in some ethereal way, I gave you a nudge 🙂
Write what you want whenever you can. Xo.
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Marie, I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom two years ago. They say time is a healer, and yes it is, but we find a way to live with the loss and grief rather than recover from it. Every day there’s a moment when I think, I must tell Mum about that…wait, she isn’t there. She lived in her own separate annex across the garden from us, so to see it sitting empty now, unchanged inside as if waiting for her return, makes her loss all the more painful. I go inside to sort her papers and on one hand find comfort but on the other, it stabs in the heart. Thank you for your lovely, kind words.
Honestly, I had no idea if anyone at all still actively subscribed to the Summerhouse. I really hadn’t intended to just vanish, but it goes like that sometimes. I needed a nudge, certainly. Thank you for checking in, Marie xx
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Well, that explains a lot. Good to have you back, Sherri. Love and hugs x
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Thanks, Graeme, great to hear from you, it’s been quite the time and much to process. Hoping to catch up as time goes on x
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That’s a must, Sherri x
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For sure x
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Hello my friend, and I remember the garden robin – because it came up other times in your posts – and glad to have you back here – even if it is just monthly – or who quarterly – I guess we shall see
xxxx
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Hello to you, my friend. Robin is still very much here, a meaningful, magical presence now as then. Simply, thank you so much xx
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wonderful – and wishing you a great week
xxx
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And to you, Yvette, though more than a week has gone by so I will wish you a good week every week 🙂 x
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well I meant the current week – because it was Monday when I left the comment – smile and huge hugs
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Hi Sherri. Welcome back to blogland, and I’m so sorry for your loss. I felt your story in This Is How We Work. I too know well, the worry and life of a caregiver. I lost my beloved husband four years ago. So I know this grief business too. Hugs xx
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Deb, I know you know this grief business only too well. And it is a hard grief. It feels strange, changed, much to process. Thank you so much for your lovely words. Hugs back to you xx
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💜💙💚
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Hi Sherri, I’m so very sorry for the loss of your mum. My thoughts are with you and your family. I do hope that since you published this post, that time is beginning to heal all the pain and loss. Know that we are thinking about you.
Sending you lots of virtual hugs.
xx
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Thank you so much, Hugh and lots of virtual hugs back xx
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Hi Sherri,
It’s lovely to see you again. I’ve missed you. What a difficult few years you’ve had, caring for your mum and watching her deterioration. What a special daughter you are and I’m sure she appreciated everything you did for her.
Now it’s your time. Yes, the blogging landscape has changed. Followers may have flown, but friends have remained. It won’t be the same as it was, but nothing ever is. Take time to find your way to the newness that is your life now. Be kind to yourself.
Welcome back, or rather, welcome forward.
Norah xo
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Norah, it’s lovely to see you again too. Apologies for my late reply, it’s been a surreal fog of a time and now I am bracing to clear my dear Mum’s home and the surge of emotions it will bring. Everything has changed but yes, as you say, a new way beckons. “Welcome forward” – a lovely way of putting it. Thank you, Norah xx
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Hi Sherri
I think I must have stopped following you when you weren’t posting regularly so I didn’t read this post at the time. In fact I barely read any posts last November as my husband died unexpectedly at home at the end of October. That was a tremendous shock as I am sure you can understand and like you I am getting to terms with the grief journey. It’s not an easy road.
I am still blogging, though only two blogs on the go now. They keep me occupied. I hope you will return to blogging eventually, I loved reading about your family and what you got up to. Hope the kids are all doing well. What happened to the memoir?
Take care of yourself, and hopefully we’ll see you posting soon xx
Jude
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Oh Jude, only now I am replying to your message from May, so sorry. Finding it hard to get my head straight and settle. Overwhelming, the Summerhouse needs a major overhaul and update, me thinks, but where to begin? I am shocked to read your so sad news about your husband and I am so sorry. You must be absolutely reeling. Over all these years we have blogged together and how I loved your beautiful photos and write ups of your travels and life in Cornwall, your move there, beautiful views and garden and walks. In fact, I thought of you when we visiting Abbotsbury Sunken Gardens not so long ago, it was your post that told me about it, even though it isn’t so far at all from us! I am keen to get a couple of posts out this side of Christmas and stick to a bit of travel, but I have to figure out how to insert photos (do bloggers still do that?) I’m so out of the loop, it’s not true. I despise social media and still have FB but never post there. As for the rest… Not good when one is trying to get a memoir published. Yep, still with it. A long, long road. The market has changed incredibly, not least of all due to recent scandals – The Salt Path, anyone? Would love your thoughts on that, since they walked in both our neck of the woods!
Anyway, hoping for some memoir news in the months ahead…
So glad blogging is still working for you in a positive and helpful way. It’s a great way to keep connected. I do miss it a lot, and then, just when I think it’s all over, lovely people like you still visit and it makes me realise that all those years of blogging wasn’t wasted but built such a lovely little community here in blogland that still exists. Oh Jude, I wish I could give you a great big hug. Hope the rest of your family are all well. Early days. And for you as with me, the first anniversary of losing your dear husband upon you. Today a year ago, I said goodbye to Mum. Still going through all her things after clearing her home across the garden. Grief comes in such unexpected ways doesn’t it? Mine was long and protracted in the caring of her as she grew more frail.
But your shock at the suddeness is profound.
Lovely to be in touch, Jude. Take good care and talk soon. Love Sherri xxx
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All those firsts are hard to manage. I find myself crying at the strangest of times, things. Clearing out David’s studio was the hardest thing, all his instruments and music accessories, writing, songs etc have gone to his daughter. I have electronic copies and play his songs now and then to hear his voice. But seeing that room empty was difficult.
Now it’s been decorated and is a bedroom so much better. What I miss most are those little things, like doing a crossword together, going for a walk, morning coffee. The house is too quiet without him playing his guitar, singing.
My thoughts are with you today. Take care. I’m sure you will have your family to support you. And it really is OK that you’re not OK. 😢
Jude xx 💔
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I know it’s well over a year since you published this but don’t ever stop putting yourself out there, my friend. I’m truly sorry to hear of your loss and know how much she meant to you. Her love and spirit will always be close wherever you are. Love and hugs across the pond. ❤
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Aww Pat, always a pleasure to read your words, my friend. Thank you for coming by when I have been so absent. Despite my hopes to blog more this year, it hasn’t happened, so far. Clearing out my mum’s home and a lifetime’s worth of family items is ongoing still and can’t be rushed. I have to force my headspace back to writing and blogging, and seem to have to fight harder than ever to get there, but once there, it takes over and then everything else mounts up! A complex dance I have yet to master! Do hope all is well with you and your family. Thank you so much for keeping in touch. Love and hugs straight back at you from the other side of the pond xx (can’t remember how to do hearts on WP!)
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So true, Sherri. I get it — life takes over and is more important than what we thought. Had some stuff like that going on too and needs your attention. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.
Arms around you, my friend. Thank you for reaching back and connecting. It is indeed a complex dance. God bless and sending you love and Light lines.
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So sorry to read about your mum. Praying for strength and peace for you.💞🙏
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Thank you, Seyi. One year ago today we said our last goodbyes, but my heart is full of beautiful memories and knowing she is safely home with Jesus. Hope all is well with you and your family and all your endeavours. Lovely to hear from you (can’t remember how to do emojis here!) xxx
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Thinking of you and your family today, Sherri. I know it marks one year since your dear mother’s passing. I hope you’re okay.
That’s all that matters; a life with Jesus. That gives hope to those of us who believe in the Lord that there is resurrection when a believer sleeps in the Lord. The pain and grief may linger, but keep holding on to the memories and the beautiful times you shared together.
I pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to console you and your family.
I’m doing well, thank you. I’ve been away for a while, but I’m back now. I can’t stop blogging, and I’ve missed all my friends! Much love to you, my friend. 😊😊
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