WPC: The Streets of Old City Dubrovnik, Croatia

Over at the Daily Post, the Weekly Photo Challenge for this week is ‘Street Life’.  Cheri puts the challenge to us in this way:

‘For this challenge, document the movement (or stillness) of a street: tell a story with your snapshot, capture a scene that reveals a bit about a place, or simply show us where you live — or a path you often take.’

With this in mind, here is my story entitled,  ‘The Streets of Old City Dubrovnik’.

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The beautiful country of Croatia (once part of Yugoslavia together with Bosnia and Slovenia until declaring independence in the 1990s) is home to the Old City of Dubrovnik.  Otherwise famously known as ‘The Pearl of the Adriatic’, this medieval walled city is nestled on the Dalmatian coast; from the 13th century onwards it became an important Mediterranean sea power.

Dubrovnik is home to beautiful Gothic, Renaissance and Baroque churches, monasteries and palaces, all of which were severely damaged by an earthquake in 1667 and then again in more modern times by the Serbian attack against the city in 1991.

After a ceasefire was called, and due to its great concern for the damage done, UNESCO (United Nations Educational Scientific and Cultural Organization) named Dubrovnik a ‘World Heritage Site in Danger’ and immediately coordinated a major restoration programme.  Click here to read more about this programme and for a more comprehensive history of the Old City.

We were privileged to have been able to visit Dubrovnik in 2012.

Approaching by a narrow, twisting road which drops down to the Old City and its hidden streets, I was able to take this shot.  This was the moment when I first caught sight of it, having been blocked by the tree-lined road until then. Stunned into silence, I immediately understood why Dubrovnik is known as ‘The Pearl of the Adriatic’.

My photo doesn’t do it justice, it is simply breathtaking.

The Pearl of the Adriatic - Old City Dubrovnik taken as we approach from the road above.  Look at that sea! (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

The Pearl of the Adriatic – Old City Dubrovnik taken from the road above. Look at that sea!
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Once inside the city, climbing the city walls gives a magnificent view of the rooftops.  The  buildings seem to be hiding the streets as if protecting them, closing in on themselves.  What secrets lie there I wonder, what stories are to be told?

Dubrovnik May 2012 (197) - Copy

View of the Old City of Dubrovnik taken from the city walls. Notice the Clock Tower (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Climbing back down from the city walls, you can get a closer view of the streets below, beckoning to be explored.

View of the streets below from the Old City Walls, Dubrovnik (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

View of the streets below from the Old City Walls, Dubrovnik
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Back down in the streets of the Old City, there are numerous alleyways at every twist and turn lined with cafes, restaurants and shops.

There are steps to be climbed leading to medieval churches and monasteries.  On the day we were there a jazz band, having travelled all the way from Washington DC, were preparing to play later that evening as part of a jazz festival.

Jazz Bank from Washington D C preparing to play - Dubrovnik (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Jazz band from Washington D C preparing to play – Dubrovnik
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Coming back down some steps after exploring a church, we were greeted by this welcoming cafe at the bottom.  It was lunchtime, so perfect timing!

Continuing to walk through the streets you will soon enough be led to the medieval harbour and out to the crystalline Adriatic sea.

Then, by evening, the streets are bathed in a soft, warming light.

In the streets of Old City Dubrovnik you will see many stray cats.  They are in surprisingly good condition as the business owners take good care of them.  If you don’t mind cats, one of them might even come up on your lap for a cuddle.  I didn’t mind at all and I don’t know who was more happy, me or the cat!

Cat on my lap in Old City Dubrovnik, Croatia (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Cat on my lap in Old City Dubrovnik, Croatia
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

There are many more photos to share from our trip to Croatia but that will have to wait for another time, should you care to see them.  I think I will have to include a post of its own dedicated to all the cat friends we made over there! For now, I hope that you enjoyed this walk with me through the streets of the Old City of Dubrovnik.

 

 

 

 

Posted in Photos, Travel, Weekly Photo Challenge | Tagged , , , , , , , | 100 Comments

The Best Conversations Are In Cars

Since sharing in my last post about all the different writing voices screaming in my head, I’ve managed to quieten down a few of them, although not enough to feel too smug.  Not smug at all in fact.  Still, my head is above water again, which is a good thing.

While bleeding writing another chapter for my book this week,  memories came flooding back to remind me of how devastated I was when, at seventeen, I failed my driving test at my first try.  I wasn’t ready, I had rushed into it and I was utterly intimidated by the driving instructor.  I wasn’t to know that my life would change for the better only a few months later (for a time) but at that point I couldn’t see anything through my tears.

Having a car of my own meant freedom, plain and simple, and that was never more clear than when we moved to California in 1986 because there you don’t walk, you drive.

We started off with a Buick LeSabre with broken shock-absorbers and things went downhill from then on.

1988. Eldest son standing next to one of our better cars, a Honda Prelude.  I loved it but when Nicky arrived, it was very difficult getting a baby-seat in the back with only two doors.  (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

1988. Eldest son standing next to one of our better cars, a Honda Prelude. I loved it but when Nicky arrived, it was very difficult getting a baby-carrier in the back with only two doors.
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Over the years we had many clunkers and most of ex-husband’s (EH) days off were spent on his back fixing leaking radiators and who knows what else.

The crowning glory came when we acquired a dark blue Chevy Camaro from EH’s brother.  Oh yes, I loved that car.

I loved the sound it made when I gunned it across town, the throaty roar of its powerful V8 engine rumbling through the exhaust-pipe, waking everyone up.

Driving it made me feel rebellious, bad, crazy even.  The fact that I only used it for the school-run to pick up my children is beside the point, although it was great fun driving it past the high school.

But there was a problem, wouldn’t you know it.  Every time I turned the corner it leaked power-steering fluid and the steering wheel juddered so badly that I could hardly hold on to it.  Then, one afternoon in well over 100 degrees heat, with the kids crammed in the back and stuck in the middle of heavy traffic on a bridge, that lovely Camaro died on me.

This was the last straw, I’d had enough and I let EH know all about it.  And so we got our first decent vehicle, my ‘Mommy-Mobile’, and I was never happier but EH hated it.  It was a Ford Windstar minivan (‘people-mover’ as we call it in the UK) and EH said it was like driving a truck on a car chassis.  But it had more than two doors, sliding doors even, and I was ecstatic.

So there I was, very much the ‘school-run’ mom. I always wanted to be available to be there at the end of the school day to pick up my children because I had learned that it was during our drives home, no matter how short, that we had our best conversations. I didn’t have to prompt or do the usual, “So honey, what did you do today?” only to be greeted by, “Nothing”, if I was lucky, a grunt if not.

Concentrating on driving, yet not too preoccupied, I was all-ears and able to listen to what my children were really saying, or, more importantly, to what they chose not to say.  The simple sharing of everyday life which is so important for building relationships with them.  We had each other all to ourselves before the distractions back home dispersed us in different directions and those precious moments would be lost, until the next day.

I looked forward to seeing my children at the end of the school day even though, like so many young families, we always seemed to be rushing here and there but, for the most part, our conversations were full of silliness and laughter.  Making funny faces in the rear-view mirror?  Of course! Rude noises?  You bet! There was one conversation which I came to dread though and it was always on a Friday.

My youngest son, Nicky, while in second grade and so about seven years old, had a teacher who used to hand out candies (sweets) to the ‘good’ kids on Friday afternoons just before the end of the day.  If you got one you became known as the ‘Candy Kid’.  No big shakes.  Except Nicky  happened to mention one Friday that his friend was Candy Kid for the third time running and he was starting to get a bit upset that he hadn’t had a turn yet.

I said all the usual comforting things that mothers say at such times: “Don’t worry sweetie, it’ll be your turn next week, I’m sure!” But on and on it went until every Friday I would sit there, in the car park, waiting for him with such anxiety that I felt physically sick. “Oh dear God, please let my son be Candy Kid, just for one day!”

Happy 'Candy Kid' Nicky! (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Happy ‘Candy Kid’ Nicky!
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

You mums/moms will understand this.  It’s serious stuff and this was getting beyond a joke.  I couldn’t bear to see my son looking so crestfallen week after week.

So I took action.  One Friday I met Nicky’s teacher after school and we had a little chat.  It turned out that it was nothing more than an oversight on her part, as in, “Oh, hasn’t Nick been Candy Kid yet?”  I was not amused.

I told her in no uncertain terms, that she had to make him Candy Kid. Not for my son, oh no, it had gone way beyond that.  No,  for MY mental health because I simply couldn’t take it any longer.

The following week Nicky came out of school with a beaming smile.  “Guess what Mommy, I got to be Candy Kid!”  Well Praise Jesus! We had the happiest of conversations driving home that afternoon.  And the icing on the cake?  My car didn’t break down once.

“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.” Françoise Sagan

Posted in Childhood Memories, Family Life, Memoir, My California | Tagged , , , , , , , | 101 Comments

WPC: Reflections

This week’s theme for the Weekly Photo Challenge is ‘Reflections’.  Of course, as with so many of the themes, this is wide open for interpretation.  For once though, I’m going to stick to the literal theme and share some photographs of actual reflections which I hope you’ll like.

Entrance to South Walsham Broad, Norfolk Broads, England (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Entrance to South Walsham Broad, Norfolk Broads, England
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Neatishead, Norfolk Broads, England (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Neatishead, Norfolk Broads, England
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Bodhiam Castle, Sussex, England 14th Century moated castle with ruined interior (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Bodhiam Castle, Sussex, England
14th Century moated castle with ruined interior
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

As I press on with my memoir this week (you’ll be pleased to know!) I’ve been doing more than my fair share of deep ‘reflection’. I’ve bashed out two blog posts just this morning in an attempt to describe where I am at the moment in my writing journey but I’m not so sure that even then I’ve been able to adequately do so.  Some serious cutting and pasting yet to be completed that’s for sure.

There are so many writing voices screaming at me just now that I’m having trouble keeping single-minded about it all.  I’ve got a fiction assignment to get out, I’ve missed more than one competition deadline which I’m not happy about and I’m also chasing an article submission I made to a magazine a couple of weeks ago (too early, do I wait a bit longer I wonder?). I also have a couple of freelance blog posts to write. So what am I doing instead?  This blog post of course!

All-in-all, I hope to steer through this muddied mess and plough ahead once again and get moving.  Rolling up the sleeves, keep on keeping on.  You know what it’s like.  Meanwhile, I’ve written this poem as I reflect upon this constant tug-of-war pulling at my thought-patterns and search for clarity. Peace?  Fear? Loss? Silence? Who knows.  Maybe I just need a hug!

Silent Embrace

Silken touch lingers upon my face
The touch of cool melting
in the chase;
For only in this silent dream
Does my heart slip into your deep embrace.

Though caught in the grey of shadow’s path
Lurks the ever-present threat to the
peace in my heart.
Grasping, sighing, falling, dying
Where wait we must for the
Hidden Spark.

Calling out from the deep where the
Lost Voice seeks
to be heard, understood,
Laid out as it slumbers in deepest sleep;
Yet caught up in ridicule so that in laughter
We both might weep.

Let your touch linger then, upon my face,
in the sweet sadness clinging
like rain’s damp taste;
For a thousand promises still hiding
in the grey, so at last, melting deeper into
Silent Embrace.

(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Photos, Poems, Weekly Photo Challenge, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 88 Comments

A Lingering Look at Windows: English Village, The Cotswolds

For this week’s A Lingering Look at Windows over at Dawn’s place, I’m sharing some photographs that I managed to squeeze in.  They were taken during a little weekend getaway that Hubby and I attempted last weekend to a particularly beautiful part of our British Isles known as,  ‘The Cotswolds’, a mere couple of hours away from us.

I say ‘squeezed’ rather than ‘lingered’ as unfortunately our weekend was cut in half (best laid plans and all that) but I’m not going to go into all that.  What matters is that all is restored and I’ve got the photos to prove it!

An area of ‘Outstanding Natural Beauty’, the largest in fact of 38 areas designated as such in England and Wales, The Cotswolds are made up of sleepy villages,  genteel market towns and countryside charm, all of which are about as English as you can get.  The photos I share here are taken from Bourton-on-the-Water and Burford.

Firstly, some shop and church windows from Bourton-on-the-Water:

Then some crooked windows from Burford:

And finally, I don’t think you can get more English than this:

Have a great weekend everybody and I hope that your plans work out 🙂

Posted in A Lingering Look at Windows, Photos, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , | 90 Comments

WPC: Inside My Hope-Filled English Garden

This week’s  Weekly Photo Challenge theme is ‘Inside’.  This is my interpretation.  Here’s hoping.

Walking around my garden today, I can’t help thinking how different things are compared to last year when we were in the grip of a long, cold spring. This year, having been blasted and battered with storms, record-breaking rainfall and catastrophic flooding with barely any frost, snow or ice to speak of, here in the UK we are now basking in an early and glorious spring.

One of the first things I couldn’t wait to do when I returned to the UK after living in California for so long was to plant spring bulbs.  Although I loved my Californian garden, full to bursting as it was with Jasmine, Morning Glory, Iris Flags and yes, Lavender and Roses (they love that dry heat!) I was always unsuccessful when it came time to growing daffodils.  It was just too hot no matter how much I watered them.

Now, every spring, my eyes feast on their little yellow-heads  nodding about in the warm air as if they know a thing or two.   Last autumn I planted Narcissus Tete-a-tetes and they have arrived in all their glory!

Spring Bulbs  (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Spring Bulbs
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Spring Bulbs (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Spring Bulbs
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

You’ll notice in the photograph below two pots of geraniums.  Believe it not, these have been outside all winter, uncovered and untouched.  I have never known geraniums survive a British winter before (unless in a heated greenhouse).

In California yes, but here?  I can’t think of a better way to demonstrate how unseasonably mild it has been here.  Scary actually, not normal.

Spring Bulbs (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Spring Bulbs by my summerhouse
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Admiring my pretty blooms, my busy thoughts turn very much towards Eldest Son and Lovely Girlfriend who are, at this very hour, jet-planing across the sea to California for a holiday.  It is the first time that my son has been back ‘home’, where he grew up, for over ten years.

I wonder how it will be for him, re-visiting all the familiar places where we lived and played together as a family so long ago?  I know how surreal it was for me when I went back last year,  shadowed by memories of our long-ago life together as they walked softly by my side with every step that I took.

So many memories flood my mind now.  When my son was preparing to leave home for College in 2001 he burnt a CD for me of some of my favourite songs, one of which is ‘Lovely Day’ by Bill Withers.  Years later, on another but bitterly cold, spring day in March, 2006, Hubby and I played it at our wedding. Yesterday was our 8th wedding anniversary (mere newlyweds!).

What a lovely day indeed.

The view of my garden now is one of a fresh beauty.  I remember when I started my blog my muse came to me in the form of my garden robin, ‘Sweet Robin’ as I called him.  He is a cheeky little fellow, all plump and red-breasted with beady, black eyes overseeing all with a keen garden management, the territorial little thing that he is.

But this year something was different.  I had not seen him and it made me sad.

Then one morning not so long ago, and feeling downcast as I stood at my kitchen window, I instantly recognised the brown flit-flit of a certain little bird darting in and out of the bare tree branches.  A flash of his red-breast puffed out proudly and there he was, Sweet Robin, perched on the side of the feeder.  With a gasp I froze and watched.

My Sweet Robin Taken February, 2013, hence the snow.  I was unable to get a photo of him this time around as he didn't stay too long (c) copyright Sherri Matthews 2014

My Sweet Robin
Taken February, 2013, hence the snow.
I was unable to get a photo of him this time around as he didn’t stay too long
(c) copyright Sherri Matthews 2014

Then, to add sugar to the mix,  Mrs Sweet Robin appeared too, on the tree next to him, chattering away:  ‘Hurry up, we haven’t got all day!’

That day, when I saw my Robin, my heart lifted with such joy.  Such a simple sighting removed my heaviness in a single heartbeat and tears of joy poured down my cheeks. Every tear drop washed away my sadness and my moment was filled with light once more.  I knew in that single moment, at the sight of my Robin, that I was going to be alright.  That we were all going to be alright.  He was my heaven-sent gift of hope.

Later that day, during a much-needed sort out, I found a card sent to me from a dear friend in California to encourage me and it contained this beautifully timed quote by Emily Dickinson:

‘Hope is the thing with feathers,
that perches in the soul,
and sings the tune without the words,
and never stops at all.’

You see then that inside my garden I find so many things; the beauty of  yellow-soaked daffodils reaching up to the spring-sunshine announcing their arrival with smiles of unblemished joy; the freedom in knowing that nature’s power not only brings catastrophe when it is unhinged but that it also brings a gentle healing when it whispers quietly in our hearts of the perpetuity of renewal through it’s spring-time song.

There I also find healing for a troubled heart in the sighting of a silly little bird, my Sweet Robin.

So while my son is California Dreamin’ as he heads out towards his distant horizon, I share here with you not only the inside of my garden but also the inside of my heart.  My thoughts are that you will come away with a renewed hope in your hearts and that you have a Lovely Day.

Posted in Garden Snippets, My California, Nature & Wildlife, Weekly Photo Challenge | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 89 Comments

The Luck of the Irish and My Californian Earthquake

Today is St Patrick’s Day, as if you didn’t know.  You would think that since I am a quarter Irish thanks to my paternal grandmother, I would be leaping about all over the place to the strains of Riverdance (and you know how much I love to dance, and I will dance to anything, except Abba), but it never meant much to me growing up as we didn’t really celebrate it growing up here in England.

I remember that it was my mum and dad’s wedding anniversary (1956), but it wasn’t until I moved to California and my children started school over there that I really got into the spirit of things.

This meant corned beef and cabbage for supper and making Leprechaun traps for my daughter’s Kindergarten class.  We lived in hope that, when caught, the Leprechaun  would reveal the secrets to finding the pot of gold beneath the rainbow but I’m still waiting on that one.  Not so lucky there.

Thinking back to those days in California I was troubled to hear news this afternoon of an earthquake striking Los Angeles; thankfully there doesn’t seem to have been too much damage.  It does, of course, bring back my own earthquake memories.

My two biggest fears when I knew that we were emigrating to America, specifically to  Los Angeles, were of a) being shot; and b) falling into the centre of the earth during an earthquake. Too bad we weren’t moving to San Francisco as Clint Eastwood (aka Dirty Harry) would have protected me, I’m sure of it.

I had already experienced my first earthquake in 1981. I worked as a Paralegal for a law firm in downtown Los Angeles on Wilshire Boulevard on the seventh floor of a very tall, glass building.  This was my last day in that job, a job I loved.  Sadly my first husband had passed away a few months before and I had made the decision to move back ‘home’ to England. I was due to head out to the airport that afternoon.

The day held mixed emotions for me: I was sad at having to say goodbye to friends and work colleagues who had helped me through a difficult time, but I was relieved to be returning home to the bosom of my family, even if it meant having to fly, something I dreaded. I didn’t like it then and I don’t like it now, but needs must.

Then, out of nowhere, I felt the floor judder beneath my feet.  Then a hard shake followed by a deep rumble.  Somebody screamed and another yelled, ‘Earthquake!’ as I rushed to the window across from my desk only to watch, horrified, as skyscrapers all over downtown LA swayed from side-to-side like concrete trees in a strong wind.  I thought this was the ‘big one’ and surely we were all doomed.

A few hours later, I was never so glad to be sitting inside the air-conditioned cabin of a Boeing 747 in all my life: my earthquake terrors far outweighed any flying fears that day.

The next time I experienced an earthquake was a few years later while living on the central coast of California: specifically, October 17th, 1989.

My boys enjoying birthday cake for Nicky's first birthday one month after the San Francisco earthquake - 1989 (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

My boys enjoying birthday cake for Nicky’s first birthday one month after the San Francisco earthquake – 1989
(c) Sherri Matthews

Eldest Son, seven years old and home from his day at school, was watching Donald Duck (remember him?) on the TV while I prepared a meal.  Little brother, soon-to-be one year old Nicky, was sitting in his high chair, happily playing with his toy cars.

Standing at the sink peeling potatoes, I suddenly felt a most peculiar sensation, as if the floor had jolted out of place and I had to grab the counter to steady myself.

Then I noticed the water in our fish tank sloshing out and over the sides; when I saw Nicky rocking from left to right in his high chair, I knew what was happening even if he didn’t, as evidenced by his gleeful squeals of delight at this ‘fun game’.

At that moment, I was so thankful for the earthquake drills held at my son’s school so that despite my initial panic, I remembered that the right thing to do was to stand beneath a door jamb.

Grabbing Nicky out of his high chair and pulling Eldest Son to my side, there we stood, huddled together, while the house ‘rolled’ up and down to the deep rumbles of what sounded like a train roaring by.

I was so scared and tried not to show it for the boys, but I didn’t know if this was just a warning of a bigger one to come or if it was already a much bigger one but further away and we were feeling the tail-end of it.  When at last it ended I was more than relieved. The ‘big one’ I had been dreading had come and gone and we had survived!

Watching the news report that evening I was shocked to learn that we had indeed felt the tail-end of an earthquake that had registered 6.9 on the Richter scale which had hit ten miles north of Santa Cruz, some four hours north from us. The damage was extensive and 63 people lost their lives.  I will never forget the enduring and terrifying images of the bridge and freeway collapsing in San Francisco and of cars driving into the disappearing road right in front of them.

I remember thinking how much more terrifying it must have been for those who lived near the epicenter further north from us.

We later moved to Paso Robles, more inland and closer still to the San Andreas fault which runs right through it.  By that time I was in earthquake denial.  Thankfully nothing much happened and after living there for ten years, I returned to the UK with my children. A mere three months after our return, while watching the news one evening, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

A 6.5 earthquake had hit Paso Robles, causing the clock tower to sheer off the historical building which was just across from the park where my children had played for many years. I heard from a friend that the damage throughout the town was substantial.  Certainly it was surreal watching the BBC World News with The Terminator Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, standing right there by ‘our’ park in our hometown giving an interview.

As it turned out, in all the years I lived in California I didn’t get shot or get swallowed up into the bowels of the earth by a catastrophic earthquake.  What did I have to fear?  The neighbour from hell? A strained marriage? George Bush? Perhaps, but in the end, everything worked out: maybe it really did come down to the luck of the Irish after all.

Keep safe and happy St Patrick’s Day 🙂

Posted in Childhood Memories, Family Life, My California | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 62 Comments

Weekly Photo Challenge: Perspective of a Little Girl’s Joy

This week’s Weekly Photo Challenge over at the Daily Prompt is ‘Perspective’. Interesting. From my perspective, I’m determined to get a couple of posts out this week even if it has been like walking through mud.

This is because, blogging wise, this week so far is proving to be a major challenge which is one of the reasons I’ve been inordinately slow in catching up with you all.  Sometimes I can’t get on other blogs as well as my own without a message saying that the page can’t load.  When I do get on I can ‘like’ but I can’t comment, or, more to the point, I type out my comment and when I post it I get the same ‘page can’t load’ message so I can’t even paste my copied comment.  All for nothing and explains why some of you haven’t ‘seen’ me lately.

I can’t even get on the WordPress forums for support and help for the same reason.    I’ve switched from Firefox to Chrome after my laptop was wiped and restored a few weeks ago but now I’m back to Firefox again and still having the same problems!  So, if anyone has any advice, please,  I would greatly appreciate it as this is getting beyond a joke.

With that mini-rant out of the way, from what I can understand about the word ‘Perspective’ as used for the purposes of this challenge, it refers to the way photographers take a photo of something which, as a close-up, separate entity and out of its usual ‘perspective’, can look like something completely different.  For example, what looks like a photo of a barren landscape, when panned out, turns out to be nothing more than a piece of gravel.

My camera does what I want it to do for the most part but I haven’t figured out yet how to get those really great close-ups.  I’ve only had it for three years after all! I think it’s something to do with a thing called ‘Macros’ but I may just be showing my photography ignorance here.  Still, I’m always up for a challenge and willing to learn.  Until then though I will be improvising.

These blogging issues have wasted too much of my time so my take on this challenge may not be quite what was intended but it’s what came to my mind, particularly as I have my daughter, Aspie D, very much on my mind.

I’ve cheated because I am re-posting a poem I wrote for her on her 21st birthday last August. I hope you don’t mind!  To be honest, I tried to write another poem but nothing came to me.  This poem expresses all I can say right now and I thought it captured the mood of this mum’s perspective when taking this particular photo some nineteen years ago.  A touch of cropping and here it is.  I hope you enjoy my take on ‘Perspective – a Little Girl’s Joy’.

……………………………………………………..

My two-year old daughter looking down and away from the sun as its rays play with her eyes.  Is this what is making her smile so mischievously I wonder?

Claire in Sandbox - 1994

Two year old daughter – Summer 1994
(c) Copyright Sherri Matthews 2014

No!  This little girl has managed to lift the lid off her sandbox all by herself and is full of glee as she plonks herself down in the sand while deciding which toy to play with first.  Aspie D loved her green, turtle sandbox.

My daughter playing in her sandbox - 1994 (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

My daughter playing in her sandbox – 1994
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Girl with the Summertime Smile

You came to me, wrapped up in love, on a too-hot summer’s day

as you took in every life-drop falling from the sky

Then  seeking quiet refuge in the still of your shut-tight eyes.

Oh Summer girl of mine, with your sunflower-smile

and your cotton-dress skip;

Making beds for caterpillars and tiny pools for frogs,

Singing to the moon on a twinkle-star night;

Legs dangling from your swing as we laughed and held on tight!

Oh did that light from heaven get lost in the dark heart?

A memory of a safe, strong day

Brings a strong-comfort hope, not just for then but now.

Fight I will, this will not, ever, tear us apart.

Sweet woman-girl you are

As I offer  you my hand should you take it, oh there you are!

It is always as it should be

In the near…in the chaos…in the far.

You are my daughter, you see, so here we are, you and me.

Swing free under that night-sky, sing your song of  let-me-be

and I will ease your sorrow, light a way along your path.

So you keep your hope alive for I will journey with you for awhile

as you are here today, your day, and I remember

My little girl with the summer-time smile.

(c) Copyright Sherri Matthews 2013

Posted in Blogging, Childhood Memories, Poems, Weekly Photo Challenge | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 69 Comments

Making My Way Back To You Now…

Oh sunny, happy Monday morning to you all dear friends!  I hope you all had a super weekend.  I’ve missed you…I’ve been away from my laptop since posting on Friday. Son Nicky spent the weekend with us celebrating Hubby’s birthday and I packed up my troubles, left them behind and enjoyed a wonderful family weekend.  I found my Happy Feet.

When I wrote Friday’s post I was exhausted and worn down.  Not by my lovely, bright, beautiful, articulate, intelligent, wise, soulful, intuitive, creative, loyal, artistic, computer literate, savvy, amazing E-bay bartering, animal adoring, deep thinking, unique, thinking out-of-the-box, stylish, photographing, writing, clever, mischievous, blogging, gorgeous daughter who just happens to live with a higher functioning Autistic Spectrum Disorder called Asperger’s Syndrome which she would give anything not to have – deep breath – but by those who I have to deal with on her behalf to get her up on her feet again.

A crisis is one thing, I’ll rise to that, but  it’s the steady, incessant drip-drip-drip of one thing after another going wrong that does me in, every time.  So, while attempting to mop up after these drips, which by Friday had formed a veritable flood (got floods on my mind, obviously) I still hoped that I could leave you with a positive vibe, with a ‘Happy’ song.

And then I come back to my blog this morning to find this: beautiful, heartfelt, incredibly supportive, caring and loving messages left by so many of you since Friday and over the weekend.  I’m taking a step back to take it all in and wondering how can I thank you all enough for what you and your messages mean to me…how can I adequately express to you how I feel right now?  My heart is exploding with gratitude, I am thankful beyond measure…

Even when I can’t be up and joyful and bright and breezy (which actually I far prefer because the physical and mental toll of the kind of exhaustion I sometimes succumb to is far-reaching and extremely unpleasant sucks big-time) you sent me messages, ‘cyber’ phone calls, you took my hand, told me it’s all gonna be alright, offered your support, your smiles, your hugs, your sunshine and your love.  And you danced with me.

So I’m making my way back to you now… although I’m very behind with blogging and I won’t be able to return until later today.  When I do, I will reply to your lovely comments individually and catch up with your blogs. Then back to posting.  Until then, this is all I can say:

Thank you so much, I love you guys 🙂

Posted in Asperger's Syndrome, Blogging, Friendship | Tagged , , , | 55 Comments

Far From Okay But I Want To Be Happy

Do you ever feel so weighed down that you want to stay in bed, pull the covers up over your head and go to sleep for days on end?  That’s how I’ve been feeling lately.  No spring in my step, no fancy in my footwork, no zing in my zippety-doo-dah.  Not even a single Mo in my Jo.

You would think that with a lovely sunny day and daffodils in full bloom that I would be in a better frame of mind.  But I’m not.   This isn’t for sympathy.  I just want to be happy.

When I started writing on my blog one of the first things I wanted to do was to try to help others understand what it is like living with Asperger’s Syndrome from both my daughter’s and my personal experiences.

This time last year she/we lurched from one crisis to another but the help that I frantically sought for her was, at best, wholly inadequate, at worst, damaging.  My daughter suffered shutdowns which rendered her unable to leave her room for days on end. For her, it was destructive and dangerous.  For me, it was hell.

When she was diagnosed in the June of 2011 I thought, hallelujah, now we can get help. Wrong, wrong, wrong. For the next two years, my daughter was failed miserably by those who we trusted to give the proper support. Discharged from the Asperger team for some unaccountable reason, she was assigned a social worker from the mental health department who made it clear he thought he could ‘fix’ her by talking to her. 

An STR (Support, Time & Recovery) worker was sent to our home weekly for six weeks to ‘help’ my daughter with her severe social anxiety.  This consisted of the STR worker reading to my daughter from a script about the cavemen and the fight or flight response. Much like a kindergarten teacher would read to a five year old.

My daughter, her thought processes overwhelming her such was her anger and humiliation but unable to express this vocally, retreated into non-communicative, silent-rage mode.  She was depressed for days after.

When I asked the worker if she knew anything at all about Asperger’s Syndrome she said that she had once read a novel about it.  When I took this up with my daughter’s social worker he, of course, defended his co-worker and accused me of shouting at him, threatening to put the phone down on me.  I wasn’t and he didn’t.

All we wanted was for my daughter to be able to gain access to the proper channels providing resources and support, enabling her to move towards a more independent and personally fulfilling life. Just as any mother wants for all her children.   She relies on me for everything and as her mum, of course I’m happy to provide this for her, we are a happy little family, a great team, but for her sake she needs to find her own way eventually.

To this end, as I battled my way on her behalf through the horrors of last year I was at last heard by the manager of the mental health department who helped me ‘fire’ the social worker and find a new, much improved one.

I also secured the referral back to the Asperger team that I had been asking for for six months and since the end of last August things have been steadily improving, with other more positive developments along the way.  Baby steps but it’s better than crawling backwards.

I also have to make sure that my daughter’s medical needs are met.  She hasn’t been well for a little while now and recent tests showed that she is severely deficient in Vitamin D. This doesn’t surprise me because she rarely goes outside (Vitamin D is known as ‘the sunshine vitamin’ because we need the sun on our skin to make it).  Now she has to take supplements and I’m glad it was picked up but of course I’m concerned as to how long she may have had this.

So why share all this here, now?  After all, despite all that has gone on before, there is much to be hopeful and optimistic about.  I am not one to give up easily and I will never give up on my daughter.  Yet, as I fight on I am left, today, yesterday, and many days before that in a very heavy state of mind.

The thing is I don’t ask for help when I need it. I do the one thing they say not to do;  I withdraw from people.  At such times I find it very difficult to keep in touch. Why? Because who wants to hear me drone on, really? Hubby listens but a man can only take so much…

But I want to forget about things.  A couple of large glasses of wine while watching back-to-back episodes of The Walking Dead of an evening is a great fix but in the morning nothing has changed.  Except that I’m the one feeling like a zombie.

When I tell my friends that I can’t face going out in a group, secretly I really want to. I want to feel energised, uplifted, cheered.  I want to join in the gossip, the laughter, be involved and hear about their lives.  But I keep away, silent in my sadness.

Then, when I hear from someone out of the blue it means the world.  Nothing like hearing from a friend who asks, ‘How are you?’ and means it. Such a friend doesn’t roll their eyes and think, ‘Oh no, what now?’ if I reply, ‘Actually, now that you ask, I’m far from okay’.

I don’t want suggestions or advice or anything.  Just that knowing smile and maybe even a hug to say, ‘I’m here for you, now let’s go out and have some fun!’

That’s all.

I found the real me, the one I know that’s still there, in this clip.  And one day it’ll be Aspie D too.  It might take a few beers but I’m confident she’ll do it.   So c’mon.  Let’s dance and be happy 🙂

A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leaves you bone-tired.’  Proverbs 17:22

Posted in Asperger's Syndrome, Family Life, Friendship, Mothers & Daughters | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 95 Comments

WPC: Abandoned Minoan Ruins of Crete

The Weekly Photo Challenge theme this week is ‘Abandoned’.  The scope here is endless, open as always to individual interpretation.  It could be about buildings, ruins, wastelands, or things that are overlooked.  It could also be about people.  I knew what I would write about if it were a writing challenge but then it came to me immediately which photographs I wanted to share and so the decision was easy this time.

In 2010, Hubby and I visited Crete for our first time (we have been twice).  Hiring a car is the way to go with so many delights to explore away from the tourist trail. Not only hidden coves that open up at the end of narrow, dusty roads but desolate ruins from an ancient civilization to be discovered in the most deserted of places.

It was during one of our drives off the beaten track that we came across some ancient Minoan ruins which date back as far as the 27th century BC.  I share here some of my photos of these ruins, together with a short piece I wrote a couple of years ago for a writing assignment.

For this assignment, I had  to describe a place to the extent that others reading it would feel as if they were there so I wrote about these ruins of an ancient Minoan civilisation, reminded as I was by stirred-up memories of a place which was to me so beautifully enthralling in its desolation, in its abandonment.

I hope you enjoy my take on this week’s challenge.

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The dusty road was narrow and meandered along the edge of the valley below taking us higher with every curve and bend as we drove, the tyres clinging to the road’s edge as if for dear life.  Inside our hire car the cooling air conditioning made us forget about the intense heat burning outside. Olive trees growing on the other side of the road twisted their branches towards each other providing shade for small herds of wandering mountain goats.

Cretan Valley (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

Cretan Valley
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

We reached the top of the road and parked.  Getting out of the car we were reminded of the heat as it instantly blasted away all memories of cool comfort. Brown, bone-dry dirt crunched beneath our sandals as we walked towards the entrance of the ruins of an ancient Minoan Palace, our destination.

Lush grape vines grew along both sides of a small path and after a short walk they fell away, revealing in the distance a stunning view stretching out beyond and far below the palace ruins. A turquoise sea, sparkling like thousands of diamonds in the shimmering sun just as it had done so long ago, as if declaring itself to be a royal mantel for Neptune himself.

View of of the Libyan Sea, Crete (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

View of of the Libyan Sea, Crete
(c) Sherri Matthews 2014

The contrasting green of the hills cascading down to the yellow sand far below gave such colour as to have inspired long ago stories of Minoan legend and its art, left behind for us to marvel at today.

Transfixed as we were with the beautiful vista, we turned away and began to explore the ruins all around us. We climbed over crumbling foundations and broken walls and could see where once there had been private living quarters, a communal meeting area, a store-room, evidence of a kitchen and even a cistern and a well.  Ancient irrigation!  There too, the King’s bedroom!

An entire community of people had lived here thousands of years before us, working, marrying, raising families, worshipping, dying.

We stood still in the quiet, fierce heat trying to imagine what life must have been like here, so long ago.   This paradise provided an ancient, Cretan people with fresh fish, olives, grapes, nuts, fruits and vegetables on the vine,  plentiful and abundant and they would not have suffered bitter cold.  It seemed an idyllic existence, and for a time it would have been.

This paradise would have been lost to the Minoans of course when the Turks invaded and the once beautiful, untouchable Palace was destroyed and left to rot.

But the ruins cried out day and night for an eternity until someone discovered them and they were once again given to the pleasure of people walking among them and admiring them, even if now in their fallen state.  They gave testament to a proud, peaceful race and we were privileged to have been shown a glimpse of a long-ago but not forgotten way of life.  The ruins were where they had always belonged and they were happy.

Hiding in the trees, cicadas chirruped their grating, summer song interrupting our imaginings and reminding us of the present.  It was time to say goodbye, and we turned to walk back along the path with grateful hearts.

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As a final note, it was nice to see that these ruins weren’t totally abandoned; these turtles were certainly at home swimming about in the ancient wells and cisterns!

To find out what others are up to with this week’s photo challenge click on the orange ‘post a week’ button on my sidebar. 

Posted in Creative Writing, Photos, Travel, Weekly Photo Challenge | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 72 Comments